


Blame it on the weatherman

by theravenswing



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes - Freeform, F/M, Female Anti-Hero, Female Protagonist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-03 20:17:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 27,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8728732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theravenswing/pseuds/theravenswing
Summary: Being new to the tower, you find yourself carving a place for yourself amongst the team. How long will it be before you have to answer the questions about where you came from and where youve been?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have decided to get me kick started with fanfiction, to write a new part every day in December - So far I am going to connect them as installments and see how it goes!

****

You sat at the window, the droplets of rain humming against the glass. On the streets below, the people scurried to try to keep themselves dry, some holding newspapers above their heads, others opting to walk hurridly towards their destination in the hopes of making it without getting completely soaked through. The tower was particularly quiet today, the lead up to Christmas saw most of the inhabitants rushing off to get prepared for the festive season, heading home to loved ones or just taking some well needed rest and relaxation. Being new to the team, you opted to stick around and get to know your surroundings. _**  
**_

A smile crept onto your face as you reminised about your home, deep in woodland. A secluded little cabin that tugged on your heartstrings as you looked out at its current replacement, which, as a matter of fact couldnt match up to the nautural environment where you could immerse yourself in the privacy, seclusion and beauty of the natural world. As you looked out of the window, at the hustle and bustle of the city, you realised how much you missed it.

With a sudden flurry of excitement, you leap to your feet from the cushioned chair at the window, making a dash towards the elevator. In your flash of hurry and dazed intent you hadnt even noticed that you rushed strait past James Barnes who had been heading out of his room to make himself a hot drink. He himself had opted to stick around for lack of another place to go, not to mention the fact that the team wanted to keep an eye on him and get him aquainted with the readjustment of being part of a team. Before he could even say a word or acknowledge what was happening, you were in the elevator smacking the buttons on the wall to take you to the top floor. In a matter of moments, the door made the familiar pinging sounds and you were almost ready to claw the doors open before they eventually parted themselves. You pushed through the bars to the door to the roof and lept up the staircase, two, almost three at a time until you came to the top, throwing it open and stepping out into the open air. The rain lashed at your skin, your hair sticking to your face as you threw your arms out of the sides, welcoming the cool shower as it rained down on you. You hadnt felt this free since in the last month or two since you joined the group at the tower. You laughed to yourself as you kicked in the puddles, twisting and twirling yourself around like a playful child, completely lost in your own world, so much so, you hadnt heard the door opening again behind you.

“So, there I was, thinking that there was something wrong, and here you are, dancing in the rain” he said, watching you intently, a soft smile gracing his normally melancholy demeanor. “Everything alright, Doll?”

You spun around and met his eyes and you couldnt help but laugh. The one time you had let your guard down enough to let a little bit of you slip through, it was Barnes that had seen it, caught red handed and quite off guard. Here you were, completely soaked through and dancing in the rain in front of a hardened soldier from the 40s. 

“Never been better” you replied, deciding that you had nothing to lose, running your hands through your sodden hair, pulling back the tendrils that had stuck to your face. 

“Care to join me?” you ask, holding out a hand to the astonished man in the doorway, blinking the droplets from your eyelashes. You must had looked a sight, but right now, it was the last thing on your mind.

“If I get ill im blaming you” he joked as he stepped out towards you. 

“You can blame it on the weatherman” she laughed as just for now, they let everything melt away and just enjoyed the company of another tainted soul on a rainy rooftop on the evening of the first day in December.


	2. Theres a storm coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part isnt mainly Bucky/Reader but the main storyline is that way, this is more of some additional background on the readers character

“How would you feel about a friendly one on one?” Steve asked, throwing you a smirk. “Id be interested to get a hands on idea of your abilities so I know where to best utilise you during missions”.

“If you insist” you smile, pleased for the distraction, pushing yourself up from the armchair.

“I’ll go easy” he said, raising his eyebrow, heading out of the door towards the gym. You looked at him, unknowing if his remark was serious or not.

“I hope you’re joking” you said rolling up your sleeves “I dont need you to go easy, dont insult me, I can hold my own.” Steve looked flustered for a moment before composing himself, continuing softly. “I didnt mean to offend you” he stopped, turning around to you as you followed behind. “I just meant because of the serum, y’know, the extra strength…” he shrugged, watching your unamused expression ease and your shoulders lose some of their tension.

“Theres more to me than meets the eye, ‘Cap”.

You both limber yourself up, stretching your arms from their dormant positions and shaking yourself warm.

“Right then Y/N, I’m ready for you.”

Before he could even get out the last word you lept towards him, throwing a punch that he only just managed to block, his eyes grew wide in suprise before it was replaced with concentration. You got into a rhythm, he swung, you dodged, he swept a leg out towards you but you jumped. You felt the frustration building within you, bubbling until it reached the surface. You could feel his resistance and it angered you. You lashed forwards, your fists faster and swinging with more might. He counter balanced by blocking your moves and not retaliating.

“What is your problem?” you finally hissed, dropping your fists and resting your hands on your hips. “Why are you going easy on me? You asked me in here to test my ability, so TEST ME” you growled. The door to the gym opened and Bucky entered, his hair swept back with a single hair tie.

“Am I interrupting something?” he asked, looking between you and his best friend.

“Captain America is holding back on me” you snarled, your eyes still on Rogers.

“C’mon Steve, if the lady says she can handle it, she can handle it” he winked in your direction before he dumped his bag on a nearby bench and head over to the nearest punching bag, beginning to lightly tap at it.

“Fine” he said, his uncercertainty dropping. “No holding back”.

“Make your move Captain” you shrugged, readied and waiting.

He lunged forward, attempting to grab you in the middle but you were too fast for him, dodging out of the way with ease before landing a hit in his side.

“Oh it’s like that is it?” He lunged forward again, almost landing a hit but you were too fast, countering with another blow, all inhibitions and anxieties about hurting you seemed to melt from him much to your delight. He came at you again with a flurry of moves, you blocking them one by one in quick succession.

In the midst of your concentration, Bucky had stopped what he was doing and moved towards you both. Natasha and Clint had found their way inside, intrigued by the commotion and activites which had grabbed their attention as they passed, enticing them to come in and observe.

“Shes not bad” she noted, nudging Clint who found with some humor, Steve was unable to get a drop on you. The three of them watched you both intently as neither party was making any headway in defeating the other. “Lets make this interesting Barnes” Natasha said, looking at Bucky, gesturing towards the action. Bucky grinned and launched himself into the combat, welcoming the challenge. The three of you looked almost like you were dancing, each move complementing the other, ducking, diving, swinging and rolling. You managed to clip Steve, knocking him back slightly with a hint of suprise which gave you enough time to launch another attack, knocking him to the ground before turning your attention to Bucky. He launched at you, trying to take you off guard with no avail.

By now, there was a small audience watching you hold your ground against the two super soldiers, all trying to guage what was going on. Some declaring that it was a matter of time before one of the men got a drop on you, others not so sure. Natasha stood enamoured with the action, excited that you were stronger than she had pegged you for. “I like her” she declared, as Clint turned to look at her. “I think we will get on nicely.” at those words, your fist stopped directly in front of Bucky’s face. Steve watched astonished as Bucky froze immediately on the spot beofre she dropped her arms back down.

“I knew you could fight…” Steve started, almost sounding breathless. “Where did you learn to fight like that?”.

You stayed silent, your eyes fixed on Barnes who was looking at you questioningly as he pulled the band from his hair and looped it around his wrist.

Natasha spoke first “Looks like the missions are about to get a whole lot more interesting”. Steve turned to look at her, noticing the crowd.

“Ok, Ok, shows over..” he clapped, as the crowd started to dissolve from the room. “Thats for sure” he replied, staring at Y/N and Bucky who were still frozen in each other’s gaze. “Ive got some planning to do.”

Steve and Natasha left the room, leaving you and Bucky alone. “Have we met before?” Bucky finally asked, furrowing his brow as he tried to place the familiar feeling he had. Your body relaxed, and you raised an eyebrow, brushing the errant hair from your face.

“I dont know” he began, “the other day on the roof, for a moment I thought I recognised you from somewhere but then it went away, but now…” he paused watching you.

“Perhaps…” you began, “perhaps in different life”. You smiled at him before heading towards the door. That was one discussion you thought, that you would have to have at another time.


	3. Just a simple mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im a little late on this one, well, quite a bit actually so Im in catch up mode! Sorry! x

“This is a simple mission” Steve Rogers began. “Nat, you and I will go in through the front door, make a show, distract them and keep them busy while you two…” he looked up and pointed at you and Bucky, “Will go around and find a different entrance, more secluded where you will go undetected”.

Since your friendly bout with Steve and Bucky, he and Natasha had both conversed about your agile, fluid movements and the way that you fight gracefully yet with fierce strength and intent. “I wonder where it came from?” Nat had said to him, “abilities like that don’t just grow on trees, there’s been effort and dedication there, discipline and by the looks of it, underlying survival instinct. A desire to be strong, something that she prides herself on.”

“What makes you think that?” Steve had asked her, as they pawed over photographs of the base they were assigned to infiltrate. “I’m not sure to be exact…” she raised her eyebrow and hummed, drumming her fingers on the desk in front of them. “I can’t pinpoint it exactly but maybe…” she began to play with a strand of her hair coyly, mimicking the moves of a flirtatious joke. “Maybe it was because you insulted her when you said you would go easy?” her tone came out quite hard, the contrast of the previous flirty persona to her sudden accusal took Steve by surprise.

“Look, I knew she was good” he began, “She saved mine and Bucky’s ass that day, if she hadn’t been there, I don’t think we would have got out of that building alive… I just.” He paused, Nat was listening intently as he spoke. “I just didn’t want to overestimate her, I’m not your normal sparring partner Nat, I didn’t want to go full throttle on the first lap, do y’know where I’m coming from?”

“If anything Steve, you underestimated her, she took both of you dosed up hard bodies and yet”, she stood up and twirled, “she lives to fight another day. Oh, and a word of advice…” Steve looked at her quizzically. “Pair her with Barnes, those two have a natural rhythm that just works together, I’d be interested to see how that plays out in the field.”

So here you were, strapped into the quinjet. Steve and Nat were up front, navigating stealthily to the base. You were sitting in the seat opposite Bucky who had been staring at his hands consistently throughout most of the flight. Interlacing his fingers with his metal ones, the whirring of the mechanics filling the space and echoing through the silent chatter.

“Penny for your thoughts” you asked, cutting sharply through the tension.

Bucky looked up, his face hardened and apprehensive. “I haven’t been near Hydra since I managed to walk away.” he began, looking back down at his metal fingers, rubbing them with his normal ones. “I’m not sure what to expect walking back into a base.”

“It’s a simple mission Steve said, they would have brought more back up if they thought that it was something we couldn’t handle, besides, we are at a distinct advantage.” he looked at you quizzically, his head to one side. “They’ve lost an asset” you winked, sitting back into the chair. “We can get through this, we just give ‘em hell.”

“I can’t take the jet any closer” Steve yelled, “This is where we get out and head the rest of the way on foot”.

The snow crunched underfoot as they left the jet behind and head into the dense woodland cutting through the landscape and masking their objective.

“Remember the plan” Steve whispered into the comms as they moved through the trees, cautious of anyone laying in wait on their approach. “Any problems, let us know, our intelligence says this base isn’t heavily guarded so we should get in with ease, grab the data and move out, full circle, back to the tree line and to the jet” you signaled an informal salute in his direction.

You and Bucky moved silently through the trees, keeping out of sight as you made your way around until you reached the last edge of the base wall that sat against the line of the woodland.

“On my mark Nat” you heard Steves voice soft in your ear as they began their advance. You and Bucky stood with your backs to the base, waiting for the signal which came in the sound of a commotion. Glancing around the wall you saw two guards who had just been alerted to the activity at the front of the base, one man gestured to the other that he should wait here while he went to gauge the situation. Now was your chance. You ducked down to a crouch, keeping low to the floor, Bucky at your back, tall, his gun poised and aiming, ready for contact. You moved together like one entity, sneaking up behind and dispatching the first guard with ease.

With everyone distracted on Steve and Natasha, you both moved quietly through the maze of rooms with little interruption, the bases kept somewhat similar layouts to those that you had both seen before, familiar yet entirely the same. You reached the room in the middle, the control room, where all of the data you needed was kept, ready for the taking. You pushed through the door, the room surprisingly empty except for five men sitting at the controls who did not move at your entrance.

“Well, well, well” came a voice from the man in the middle. The voice sent chills through your body, you stood frozen to the spot as you came to the sudden realization of who were sharing a room with. Bucky’s reaction was almost identical. His breath caught in his throat and he swallowed. Tense and rigid, a slight resemblance of the Soldier he had walked away from. “Look at you both, what a cozy little team, I have to say, I did not expect that at all, bravo!” he clapped slowly, turning around. The same sickly grin that she remembered was twisted on his unmistakable face.


	4. Only a matter of time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I missed a few days, Im posting a couple to catch up :)

“You two make quite the team” the man continued, “quite extraordinary really, all things considered,” Bucky’s temper flashed suddenly, bringing the gun up swiftly aiming at the grinning “There’s no need for that Soldier” the man gestured, moving away from the console and taking a step towards them. “I mean you no harm… today anyway.”

One of the other men moved towards them abruptly, heading towards Bucky who at this point was taking no chances and shot at him without a second thought. The advancing soldier fell to the floor clutching his chest, before landing in a heap on the ground. “There was no need for that now, was there?” The man answered, motioning to the motionless body. “He was just doing his job”

“I don’t like being outnumbered” Bucky spat, the low growl in his voice as his aim followed the man.

“As I said, I have no intention of harming you today, you can walk right out of that door as soon as you please. I just couldn’t resist seeing you both in the flesh, watching you on these cameras has been fun, however, I needed to see you both with my own eyes, seeing is believing as they say.”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky snapped, keeping his sights firmly on the man.

“Surely you remember?” the man responded, rubbing the stubble on his chin with his hands and stopped, leaving not much room between them. “Oh, well, that makes it all the more interesting” he chuckled, he turned his gaze towards you, watching your reaction. You stood still, trying to keep yourself closed to interpretation. “You remember…” he lingered “don’t you?”

“I never forget a face” you replied, scowling, increasing your grip on the knife at your side. Bucky glanced at you for a moment before looking back at the man. “I could shoot you right now” he growled, his finger squeezing the trigger.

“But you won’t Sargeant, I’m not your mission, you still follow orders don’t you?” He walked back to the console and picked up a small object from the surface. “I believe this is what you came for” He held up the flash drive so they could see it. “The locations of other Hydra bases and the operatives within” he continued. “Here, you can have it” He threw it to you, catching it without much effort, disheartened by the turn of events.

“Why are you giving it to us?” Bucky asked suspiciously, staring through narrowed eyes.

“Quite frankly Soldier, the information is quite useless to me, if not through this drive, you will find other means, besides, who is to say that those bases haven’t already been cleared out?” he shrugged. “Come on Soldier, do keep up. Besides, I’m interesting to see how this little dynamic duo act pans out…” you fought to contain your reaction, everything within you wanted to scream at him, to stop looking at the face that you tried so hard to keep out of your dreams at night, the face you had only wanted to see when you were draining the life from it with your bare hands. Not like this.

“Regardless, you have what you came for. Your friends will be growing concerned if you do not run along soon with their precious information” Bucky kept his gun high, pointed at the man. You put your hand on the weapon, forcing him to lower it. “Not now Barnes” you whispered, “There is a time and place for a man like that, and now is not it, let’s go.” Bucky’s eyes were wide looking at you, but he understood, tensing his shoulders.

“The lion and the lamb, working as a team, how wonderful.” he clapped excitedly while walking back towards the console. “You know, it’s only a matter of time before the Lion’s instincts kick in and he gets hungry…” his tone growing more serious. “I will be seeing you soon.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keeping them coming :)

The ride back had been quiet, Bucky sat with his head back against the wall of the jet, his eyes closed. Steve and Natasha sat at the front both boasting of how well it had gone unknowing of the events that had unfolded in the control room.

Once they had returned to the tower, Natasha scurried off to go and freshen up. Steve walked towards his friend and clapped a hand on his back. “Nice job Pal” he said with a smile followed by winking in your direction. He put his arm around him and they head off together down the corridor and out of sight. You relaxed your body, easing your tensed shoulders, after that journey you were thankful that Bucky hadn’t asked you questions, however, you knew they were coming. You were hoping to avoid the discussion but it was going to have to happen sooner rather than later, although, you didn’t have to tell him everything you thought to yourself, he didn’t need to know it all, not now, not yet, hopefully not ever. You didn’t know who you were protecting more, you or him, but nevertheless, if you could avoid it, you would.

Bucky and Steve sat in the kitchen, Captain America looked concerned as he glanced at his friend who hadn’t said much since they had gotten back to the tower. “Whats wrong Buck?” he asked, his face softening.

“I’m just tired that’s all” he replied smiling, “Nothing to worry about Steve, honestly.”

“Are you still not sleeping?”

“I go through phases, honestly Steve I’m ok, It’s Hydra y’know” he didn’t want to tell him what had happened, he knew him. Steve would march straight back to the jet and hunt the man down until he had him in his grasp. Steve, his beautifully naive friend, who only saw the good in people, who thought that one man’s actions could change the world, even all those years ago. The scrawny kid that had been his best friend back then couldn’t walk away from a fight then, and he was still no different. He knew Steve wouldn’t walk away and he just couldn’t let that happen.

“Of course, I’m sorry, that couldn’t have been easy for you. Had you been there before do you remember?”

“No, no not at all, but some of the bases are the same, some of the ones I had been stationed…” he paused, his mind racing over the moments he remembered, the flashes of the Winter soldier flickered through his vision like he was changing the tv channels. He swallowed, “they were similar, but honestly Steve, I’m ok, I’m not a wounded animal you have to keep your eye on me all the time, I’m tough as nails Kiddo”.

“You did amazingly, Buck” he sat down at the table, placing his shield on the floor against it. “You and Y/N work really well together, Natasha was right.”

“Yeah, she’s…” he stopped, he thought about what the man had said to them in that room, ‘dont you remember’ he had said. “She’s great” he continued, “She’s strong and definitely knows how to have your back”. His mind was racing, he had felt she was familiar to him, this same man who had been a vital instrument in his captivation had known her too, it could only add up to one thing but he couldn’t place it, he knew she had a history with Hydra but he didn’t know what, he must have looked deep in thought because Steve broke his concentration. “Buck!”

“Yes, sorry, what was that?”

“I said, did you want to go and grab a bite to eat? Nat is taking Wanda to a local restaurant to get her some fresh air, I think she started saying something about local cuisine or something along those lines, I was asking if you wanted to come with?”

“No, no, I’m alright, thanks for asking, I think I’m going to try to catch up with some sleep” he returned. Steve nodded, his expression laced with a little worry but he had decided that if his friend wanted to talk he would and it wasn’t his place to press him.

As Steve walked out of the room, Bucky’s mind went back to you, had he come across you before? Is that why you felt so familiar? Why had he remarked on the two of them working together, ‘the lion and the lamb’ he had said, what was that supposed to mean? Bucky wiped his face with his hand, frustrated at his lack of memory. He stood up and made his way to the elevator. Perhaps there was something in one of his journals that might help him piece it together he thought as he pressed the button. Even a fleeting comment that might jump out may shed some light on the events of today. Either way, something was going to happen. ‘I will see you soon’ the man had said, the thought made his body flinch, next time he would be prepared and nothing would stop him from returning the favor.


	6. Wake up Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im trying to catch up and post a few chapters to keep up to the date - Iv'e got another two geared up and ready to go so there will be a little flurry incoming :)

You lay on your bed, the moonlight shining through the open window. The slight breeze was cooling on your face as you lay wide awake. You missed the night sky, you missed the blissful ignorance of your cabin in the woods where you had escaped from everything.

Right now, you missed it more than you had in the entirety of your stay at the tower. Your fight of flight instinct niggling at the back of your mind as you thought about that face. The face that held you captive for so long, caused you endless amounts of pain and suffering for something that you would never hand over, something you knew You would rather die for than give to Hydra.

A sound coming from out in the corridor interrupted your thoughts. You sat up, listening intently for it. You hear it again, a voice in the darkness yelling out. You were on your feet instantly, moving over to your door and opening it slightly. You looked in both directions, the corridor was empty, as far as you were aware, Natasha, Steve and Wanda hadn’t returned to the tower. That left you, Bucky and Vision roaming this area of the tower. You heard the voice again, a low groan followed by a loud cry. You pad softly down the corridor following the sound, before stopping in front of Bucky’s door. You heard his voice coming from inside. You knocked lightly, hoping to catch his attention with no avail. You twisted the handle, peeking ever so slightly around. Bucky was huddled on the bed, clutching himself outside of the covers. You moved inside, shutting the door behind you, the floor may have been empty but you didn’t want to expose his vulnerability outside the room. He was drenched in sweat, huddled tightly and whimpering. “Bucky,” you said softly unwanting to startle him. He uncurled and groaned again before he started to trash against the bed, his voice crackled into a yell. “Bucky, wake up,” you said louder, he continued to thrash, his head moving from side to side, yelping. “Bucky!” you reached out, your cold hand touching his broad shoulder, his skin burning against her touch. He jolted “Don’t make me hurt her!”he yelled before he shook again and bolting upright, grabbing her wrist so fast she almost missed the movement.

“Bucky it’s ok, it’s just me,” she said softly, “It’s ok”

His eyes were wide and glazed, his hair stuck to his face with sweat, beads falling from him.

“Y/N” he said, “You’re ok!” his voice held a sense of relief as he repositioned to the side of the bed, letting you go.

“Of course I am, are you? you were shouting, were you dreaming?”

“I…” he began, his voice stuttering, “I must have been” he sighed, brushing his hair back from his face.

“What were you dreaming about?” you asked him concerned, you stood up and walked into the bathroom attached to his room, picked up a flannel from the side and run it under the cold tap.

He hesitated, unknowing whether to divulge the image he had in his dreams. “I was trying to save someone,” he said, apprehensively.

“What happened?” you asked, you were genuinely worried about him, he seemed so innocent like this, you hadn’t seen him so vulnerable and you couldn’t understand how much it broke your heart. You walked back towards him, a cool flannel in your hands.

“Here,” she said handing it to him, “this might help a little”

He took it from you, wiping his face over. “Thank you” he smiled, he couldn’t meet your eyes, he wanted to but the picture he had in his mind stopped him.

“Did you want to talk about it?” you ask, you weren’t sure how to be with him, you weren’t sure if pressing him was a good idea, whether he would trust you with such sensitive topics.

He stayed silent, staring at the cloth in his hands. You move away from him, deciding that you had probably intruded enough on him.

“I will leave you alone,” you said backing out towards the door, “I’m here if you need me” you finished, closing the door behind you and heading towards the elevator at the end of the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next parts will be a little longer! Sorry if they are coming out a bit short so far!


	7. Chapter 7

Bucky sat on the edge of his bed, still staring at the washcloth you had given him. You had been so kind and he had barely spoken to you in return. He couldn’t help it, the image of you he had seen in his dream had seemed so real, he hadn’t known where it had come from but you were there, battered and bruised.

He held you by your collar, looking into your eyes as you held his gaze silently, your face littered with cuts and bruises, your expression blank and lifeless.

“Don’t make me hurt her again” he had said, his other fist held tight, your blood on his knuckles.

“You have your orders soldier” the man had said. “Are you disobeying them?”

“No” he responded. “I’m asking you if this is necessary, she will not fight me back”

“Do I need to repeat myself, Soldier?”

He raised his fist, almost hesitating as he did so before bringing his fist down to hit you again.

He shook his head. He wanted to get the image out of his mind. The events of the day had gotten to him, more so than he thought. He stood up, pulling on the nearest pair of trousers he had and grabbed a hooded jacket from a pile on a nearby chair and left the room. He knocked on your door, he needed to make sure you were ok. He hadn’t spoken to you since you had all returned and he owed you that, you had done him a kindness and he wanted to reassure you, he also wanted to reassure himself.

Upon realising there was no answer, he walked to the kitchen, flicking on the kettle. He had a good idea where you had gone. With two cups in tow, he approached the elevator.

You leant over the side of the wall, your elbows resting on it. The night was clear, the stars out in shrouds in the sky, glittering in the darkness. The moon casting a glow across the rooftop. It was nice to see it bare rather than through a window and feel the cool air against your skin and be able to take a deep breath.

“I thought I would find you here” came Bucky’s voice from behind you. “I’m sorry about just now” he continued. “Thank you”

“You don’t have to thank me, Buck, are you ok?”

“I think so” he responded as he leant his back against the wall next to you, handing you a steaming mug. “I thought you might want one, it’s chilly out here tonight Doll, are you cold?”

You were only wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, you hadn’t even noticed. “I’m not bad, I hadn’t actually thought about it” she took the mug smiling, “Thank you very much, that’s lovely.”

“I wanted to ask you…” he began, “If you don’t mind, what happened to you with Hydra?”

“Where do I start?” you said, looking back out over the city. “There was a time I used to live in a city like this, long ago, feels like a lifetime now. I don’t remember too much about it, I don’t remember people, any loved ones, I think that was taken care of way back when.”

“I’m sorry” Bucky said, looking down at his mug. “I know how that feels”

“It’s alright, how can I mourn memories I don’t have? Seems like a waste of time for me. It’s a good thing you have Steve” you said, smiling at him.

“I ended up in a small cell, something to do with something I had which he wanted. I can’t tell you how long I was there.”

“What was he after” Bucky asked, listening intently.

“Something he was sure I could do. I don’t think he even knew exactly what it was. It only made him angrier, day in day out he would try to extract information out of me, try to turn me over to their way of looking at things. Wiping my memories, constantly trying to trick me into submission.”

“What happened?”

“It was a never ending cycle. His tricks didn’t work, the only thing he managed to do was erase my past. He hated it, he grew more manic, more obsessed…” she paused. “More brutal”. you took a gulp of your drink, the warm liquid moving through your chilled body.

“Here” he said, placing his mug on the ledge and shrugging off his hoodie. “You’ve got to be freezing” He draped the jumper round your shoulders, you could feel his heat still in the material and enveloping you in a shield of warmth.

“Thank you, Buck”

“No problem, Doll” he tugged the sleeves of his Henley shirt down over his hands. You could hear the whirring of his metal arm underneath his top.

“So it was him that held you to?” she deflected, trying to gauge his memory.

“He was one of the men from what I can remember, I have moments of memories, I try to write them down when I can, hoping that I can fill in the gaps.”

“It’s a good method” you said, does it help. “I think so, I’m beginning to build up a bit of a patchwork timeline.”

“How much do you remember from that time?” you asked, turning towards him. His hair was swept back away from his face. He towered tall over you however he looked soft and friendly, the first time you had ever seen him like it, usually he was tense and held himself tightly shut, but something was different about him.

“How did you get out?” he asked softly.

“Messily” you laughed. “I made quite a dent in their numbers that’s for sure, found myself an abandoned cabin and made myself a home in the middle of nowhere.” you thought about your home, the familiar sound of the trees, the leaves swaying in the wind.

“I will have to take you there” you said, watching him as his mood altered at your words.

“When can we leave?” you both chuckled as you stood together on the roof of the tower looking out into the starry night.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Were getting a little bit into the backstory here :)

The next few days seemed to go by without anyone noticing. Tony and Pepper had popped by to announce that he was going to throw a Christmas party, a peace offering to the team in an attempt to bring them all back together as a unit again and be festive. 

It had been hard for him to accept Bucky into the team, it had taken Steve a while to convince Tony that despite the amount that he hated Bucky, together they could unite to try to eradicate the common enemy who realistically, were the reason to blame for the death of his parents. 

_‘Bucky is a victim of Hydra Tony, how do you not see that?’ he had pleaded, ‘Try to see it from his point of view?’_

_‘I did Steve, that’s the problem! I did!’, I see it over and over every night, I can’t get it out of my head.. tell me, Captain, how does you best friend sleep every night?’_

_‘He doesn’t Tony, I can hear him sometimes at night, the whole experience has damaged him, he needs stability, a place where he can be himself again, it would do him good’_

_‘Im pretty sure my parents would like to still be alive.’_

It had been an endless loop of empty messages and silence until the day they had met you.

_‘Tony, There’s someone I think you will want to meet. She just saved both Bucky and I from a somewhat unfortunate end, she got some good skills’_

_Steve and Bucky had been hiding in a run-down apartment building on the outskirts of the city, Steve had wanted to stay close in case anyone in the team got into trouble and needed help, it wasn’t in his nature to abandon his friends, even if one of them didn’t want him around. They had been laying low, Steve had made trips out in disguise to get food every now and then, check the papers, keep in contact with Natasha, which she kept relatively quiet and filling him in on the status of the team. Nick Fury was loosely involved in the management of the team, however not as hands on as before and had noticed that Tony wasn’t utilizing the skills of each of the members to his advantage and as of late had even gone so far as to stop sending anyone and make endless appearances for his company. His recent escapades taking him off to fund projects for young students, picking the brightest and offering them jobs at Stark Industries, headhunting and building vital new foundations he had called it._

_You had been in the city running some errands, every now and then you would leave the safety and solitude of the woods, kick start your motorbike and head into the city. On this day in particular, something caught your eye, or rather someone. You stood in a small coffee shop, leaning against a table near the window when across the way, you noticed a man walking briskly on the pavement. Dressed in black he looked as if he might have been following someone. You followed him with your eyes, trying to gauge his trajectory, and that’s when you saw Captain America. You had kept up to date with events that had happened, on your visits you would catch the front pages of magazines and newspapers, as far as you were away, Captain America had dropped off of the grid along with his friend Bucky Barnes. The Winter Soldier. You left the coffee shop, keeping your eyes on the two men moving through the crowded street before you noticed Steve Rogers duck into an apartment building. The suspicious man stopped just shy of a building down and picked up a phone. You continued walking, passing him and catching the end of his conversation, “… send backup.”_

_You passed him and ducked inside the same apartment block that the hero had walked into and observed your surroundings. Old, run down, inconspicuous, this must be where they are hiding out you thought as you moved, leaping up the first flight of stairs. You survival instincts kicked in, they wouldn’t be on the first three floors you thought, too easy. You heard a door click shut towards the top of the stairwell and made your way up.  
The floor was littered with old newspapers and debris, some of the windows we cracked in places and covered in grime which made it difficult to see in or out. There were three doors on the top floor, two of them had signs of being in use while another had papers stacked up around the foot of it which made her think that it had been abandoned for some time, the remains of police crime scene tape hanging limply either side of the door frame. You took the perfect opportunity to try the door handle which to your delight clicked open straight away, you slipped inside and shut the door behind you looking around the room you had walked into. Old, tattered, broken furniture was strewn around the room, the wallpaper peeling away from the walls. Newspaper had been put against the windows, light leaking in from gaps between the sheets creating small light beams cracking through._

_You moved back to the door, looking through the small spy hole at the door opposite. As you were watching, a man dressed in civilian casual clothing walked up to the door opposite and knocked, he waited a few moments before knocking again, reaching for his back pocket and slowly pulling a gun from a holster at his waist, concealed by his t-shirt._

_“Is anyone in? I have a package for the neighbour but they’re not in, I was hoping you would be able to sign for it?” the man said, bringing the gun up, gripping it with two hands and holding it to the side, out of sight. You had your hand on the handle of the door you were behind, ready for the right moment. With no answer, the man signalled to his right and moved to kick his way in. You threw open the door and launched yourself at the man, forcing him through the aforementioned door, sending him flying and toppling to the floor. Captain America and Bucky Barnes stood staring at you, alert and somewhat in shock as you came crashing through._

_“Looks like you boys have got some trouble on your hands” you noted, picking up the unconscious assailants gun,turning back towards the broken doorway and aiming high._


	9. Chapter 9

_“Who are you?” Steve asked as he picked up a makeshift shield he had drafted together after Tony had confiscated his._

_“Introductions later” you responded sharply, “Let’s get out of here alive first” the silence that followed afterwards was unnerving, broken suddenly by the smash of a window and the entrance of a smoke grenade. The three of you ducked behind nearby furniture and covered your faces to shield you from the smoke. The stamping of multiple pairs of boots came rumbling down the corridor like the heavy sound of thunder. Smoke had begun to fill the room in thick clouds, making visibility almost impossible. The hail of bullet fire echoed around the space, sporadic shooting ricocheting off of surfaces, walls and anything in their path._

_Someone was standing next to you, his boots almost brushing your leg. You moved out of the way so you didn’t give yourself away.  
_

_“Does anyone have a visual?” said the voice above you. Before he could register it, you kicked forward, sweeping the man’s legs out from underneath him, “Don’t shoot!” he yelled, as weapons turned in your general direction.  
_

_“You won’t have a clean shot!” he exclaimed._

_You moved silently next him as he cradled his knee. You cracked your fist into him, knocking him out instantly. In the commotion you took another man next to him, swiftly dispatching him before the smoke cleared enough for anyone to notice your position, hiding quickly back into the shadows. You pulled your scarf higher over your nose to keep out the smoke. A few more men entered the room. Bucky lept out from his spot and barged into the nearest crowd, taking them by surprise which gave the go-ahead for Steve to launch his shield at another. You took the doorway, leaping out and leaning against the wall, trying to look around the doorframe to see what was waiting. You rolled swiftly to the room opposite, getting a flash of two men at the top of the stairwell. You lept back up, shooting round the door to startle them. The smoke had cleared a little more from the previous room, allowing you to see Bucky and Steve dispatch the remaining men. You signal to Steve who clocks you from the corner of his eye, letting him know that there were more in the corridor. You peak around the side, noticing them advancing through the corridor. As they both reach the apartments you were crouched in, you and Steve unanimously leapt from each opening grappling with the armed, what looked like, soldiers. The window smashed behind you as another group swung into the room, you ran at them, launching punches and swinging with a graceful coordination so fluidly that they couldn’t keep up with, you were fast. As you grappled with one man, you managed to manoeuvre yourself to swing your leg out and sweep another to the floor, incapacitating the previous. Leaving the unconscious men behind you ran through the hallway towards the landing, Steve and Bucky behind you, vaulting over the bannister. You landed on two men who were ascending the stairwell. kicking one over the side and knocking over the other. Steve ran down passed you taking the next couple while Bucky followed your example and lept down the balcony, using his metal arm to grip the landing below._

_As they made their way down the floors, they disabled the oncoming attacks until Bucky and Steve reached the bottom, looking up for you as you came flying down, straight onto a remaining guard who thought he had the drop on the two super soldiers who quickly noticed and nodded in approval._

_“This way” you gestured motioning to a door at the back of the lobby, “Let’s get you out of here”_

_“Wait!” Steve said reaching out to you. “Who are you?” he asked again, a slight smirk on his face, partly impressed and partly thankful. Bucky looked at you, intrigue laced across his expression._

_“Y/N” you replied._

_“Nice to meet you Captain America”_


	10. Chapter 10

When he thought back on it, you had come out of nowhere, he wanted to think you were an angel in out of the darkness, the one who would bring him into the light. Hell, you had woken him up from his nightmare, granted the nightmare had been about you, but right when he needed you, there you were, standing over him taking him out of the torment. 

Something, however, was bugging him. Bucky paced the floor of his room. It was simple, everything inside was pretty much new, come as standard in the tower, everything pristine as if it had just come out of the wrapping, fresh from the box. His clothes slung lazily over the sides of the furniture and scattered across surfaces, tidiness was not at the forefront of his current state of mind, trying to keep himself together however, was.

_“So you’ve got Hydra after you?” you said, as you sat down in the backseat of an old beetle that Steve had stashed nearby._

_“How did you know they were…?” Steve began to ask._

_“It’s why I came to find you in the building” you explained. “I saw an agent on the street heading straight after you, thought that you could use some backup, not a good group of people to have after you, I know that.”_

_“They didn’t take too kindly to Buck here switching sides. They spent a long time with him, they resent him regaining some of his memory and it would seem they’re still after him back” his voice was low and laced with sadness. You caught him glancing at his friend who sat silently in the car, his one normal hand cradling his metal one, his eyes fixated on it as if he were trying to study it, as if it were a separate entity living on his body._

_“How do you know about Hydra?” Steve asked as he shifted the car jerkily out of the spot and starting driving towards the end of the street._

_“It’s a long story, for another time perhaps. But, I’ve been running from those sons of bitches for a while now.”_

_“Did you not just risk exposing yourself by helping us? Bucky asked, breaking his silence, turning to look back at you. “Why would you risk that for us? For people you don’t know?”_

_“I can’t hide forever” you replied, sighing as you looked out of the dirty window. “besides, I’m not one to walk away from a fight, if I can take out some agents then, well, a few dark marks out of the world won’t hurt will it.” Bucky looked at you, as if he was trying to really see you. You hoped that in this moment he wouldn’t recognize you, he seemed completely different now, although quiet, you could feel a change in him, one that you hoped was giving him some kind of peace. “Also, You’re not complete strangers, I’ve seen you guys on the news, I couldn’t very much let Hydra run riot on Captain America and his Bucky could I, seems like you guys need all the help you can get”_

_“I guess you’re right there,” Buck said, sitting back in his chair. “I really don’t think I’m worth all this trouble Steve” his eyes went back down to his hands in his lap._

_“Buck, you’re my oldest friend, I thought I had lost you forever. When I realized I hadn’t, I had to get you back… I know you, you wouldn’t do those things, what did, was what they did to you, and that’s that.”_

_Bucky didn’t say anything, he’d had this conversation before but Steve, being the person who he is, refused to see it any other way. If he was honest with himself, he was extremely grateful that there was at least one person in the world who didn’t believe he was a monster._

_Steve looked back into the mirror, trying to grab your attention._

_“Hey, I know we’ve just met, but seeing as you just saved our asses back there, and not to mention our common enemy, what do you say to joining us? or at least meeting some of the team?” you stared blankly at him._

_“You mean the avengers? you raised your eyebrow, meeting his eyes in the mirror._

_“I do, it would give you a place to go, an extra few pairs of hands to rid the world of a few of those dark marks” he responded smiling._

_“I’m not really the superhero type” you looked away, watching the world go by out of the window._

_“At least meet the guys? There’s no pressure, if you meet them and it’s not for you then that’s fine, but, we could really do with some good fighters, plus, you might be just what we need right now.”_

_“I guess it couldn’t hurt” you replied, “My bike needs picking up though.”_

_“Great, Il text Tony, see if I can tease him out of his slump with the bait of some new blood. Don’t worry about that, we will fetch it in now time.”_

Tony had in fact taken the bait that day. Part of him saw it as a personal triumph that Steve had found a new recruit, maybe it was just what the team needed to reunite, and someone who could take the presence of James Barnes out of his mind. As much as he didn’t like it, Rogers was right, he couldn’t be completely to blame for the death of his parents, it didn’t take the pain away or make it any easier, but it was something he would have to learn to live with. One you had gotten back to the tower, Natasha was there waiting with Tony. Clint, Wanda, Sam and Scott had all spent time away after their incarceration but the news that the team were coming back together had prompted a reunion, once everyone had arrived, the discussions, introductions, accusations and friendly sparring matching for the sake of ‘light training’ had got underway and it wasn’t long until you had found yourself agreeing to stay.


	11. Chapter 11

_“Ready to comply” said the Winter Soldier coldly._

_“She has information that we need Soldier. Extract it by any means necessary”_

_She was thrown into the room, landing harshly onto her front as she struggled to get footing. Her face was covered with a bag, stopping her from getting her bearings, her hands tied in front of her.  
_

_She managed to prop herself onto her knees in defiance of her current situation. The guard who had pushed her into the room walked over to her, he reached out and grabbed her arm as if to lift her to her feet before he swung and punched her in the back of the head, knocking her to the floor again._

_“That’s quite enough,” said the man who had given orders to the Winter Soldier._

_“Everyone else leave,” he boomed and the shuffling echoed around the small room. She lifted herself onto her knees again, silent and she waited for another blow, which for now wasn’t coming._

_“You have something we want,” the Winter soldier said, breaking the silence as he walked towards her._

_She stayed still, not making a sound._

_He grabbed her by the collar of her tattered shirt, lifting her abruptly onto her feet with ease._

_“Tell me what you know” he demanded, his metal hand still gripping her arm. She still said nothing, not a sound._

_“I don’t know how you think your silence is going to help you, it is going to do the exact opposite. Do you understand that?”_

_The other man walked out from the shadows, his arms folded with a sickly grin on his face._

_“I’m giving you an opportunity here, all you have to do is show me what you can do, show me the ability I have heard so much about and you can join us.” he unfolded his arms, draping one around her shoulders. “All of this will end, you will be one of us, you could make history, I don’t want any of this you know…” He moved away from her and towards the the Winter Soldier._

_“I find that hard to believe” can a voice from underneath the bag, “You’re doing exactly what you want, only you’re not getting what you want and that’s killing you. Well, tough luck, I don’t know what you’re talking about so you can keep doing what you’re doing, you won’t get anything from me.”_

_The man snickered, “What a shame” he said slyly as he put his hand on the soldier’s shoulder. “You know what to do”._

_The soldier walked over to her, the whirring of his metal arm making her heart race. He grabbed her wrists, jolting her towards him. Before kicking her backward with a sudden force sending her flying into the wall, denting the brickwork sending rubble and dust crumbling to the floor. She wheezed as she rolled on the ground, her tied hands stopping her from being able to rescue herself. He grabbed her shirt and dragged her back to the middle of the room._

_“One more chance,” he said, holding her elevated her legs draped limply on the floor below her._

_“Don’t do this” she whispered, “You don’t have to do this”._

_He used his free hand to land a solid blow into her stomach, winding her immediately. She coughed and spluttered, struggling for breath as he dropped her to the floor. She rolled in agony, barely making a sound. He grabbed her again, pushing her up against the wall his hand wrapped around her neck. She tried to swing her tethered hands up to defend herself with no avail. He reached up to the cover over her head and grasped the top, pulling it off abruptly revealing the person underneath._

“NO!” Bucky shouted as he sat bolt upright in his bed, drenched in sweat. The image of your face burning in his mind.


	12. Chapter 12

Bucky leapt out of bed in a panic, rushing to the door and throwing it open without realizing his strength. The corridor was dark and quiet, the morning light had still not broken leaving the moon casting a faint glow through the otherwise empty hallway. He knocked on your door hurriedly, impatiently turning the handle simultaneously. 

You were awake, sitting up at the windowsill, the window was open letting the night air breeze across you as turned to see a disheveled Bucky bursting through the door. His face looked panicked and concerned as his eyes found you, his voice stuttering.

“Y/N…” he whispered, his eyes wide as he stood in the doorway. You got up swiftly from your seat. “Bucky… what’s wrong?” you asked, taking in the sight of him, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead, his t-shirt sticking to his damp skin.

He paced over to you and grasped your shoulders, looking down at you, searching your eyes. You felt somewhat vulnerable with the proximity, his blue eyes piercing your stony exterior. Before you could register what was happening he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest tightly. Surprised, you didn’t know what to do at first, until you softened and returned his embrace, his head resting on yours. “Bucky what’s wrong” you managed to whisper again as you comforted him.

“I wanted to …make sure you were ok” he stammered, not loosening his grip.

“Buck, I’m fine, I… what’s brought this on?”

He held you for a moment longer before eventually pulling back slowly.

“I just, I had a dream” he began reluctantly, “I wanted to make sure that you were safe.”

You smiled at him, reaching up and pushing the hair back off of his face.

“I’m absolutely fine,” you said warmly. You looked at him, his face laced with concern.

“Are you having trouble sleeping again? Did you want to talk about it?” you asked gently, unknowing how to react to the big, strong, deadly man whimpering in your arms.

“It’s ok,” he said, moving away, “the dreams just… they wake me up and I have trouble going back to sleep, I don’t want them to come back.” You were taken aback by his confession of vulnerability, standing in your room in the middle of the night.

“Sorry Y/N, I will give you back your space, I’m sorry I burst in on you like this”

“Buck?” you began, grabbing his attention as he made his way back to your door. “Do you want to stay here?”

Your words stopped him, he turned back to you, his eyes glistening in the dark room.

“I…” he hesitated. “I couldn’t do that, Doll” but still he didn’t move, standing still.

“Here…” you gestured, pulling back the covers on your bed, “There’s plenty of room” you said smiling, your mouth betraying your mind as you couldn’t quite believe what you were doing, on the other hand, you couldn’t help but want to make him feel safe. The sadness in his eyes, the look of sheer panic that flashed across his face when he had burst in, it almost broke your heart.

“That way, if you have another dream, I’m right here, you won’t have to wake up in an empty dark room. Il be here”. He stood for a moment, contemplating. “Thank you” he smiled, moving back towards you, placing a small kiss on the top of your head. “This means a lot to me Doll.”

“Get in you big sop” you gestured to the bed as you climbed on and under the covers. You pat the space next to you, he pulled off his sweat soaked t-shirt and folded it half-heartedly, placing it on the floor. You had already turned over to face the window, the moon glowing through as you felt warmth emanating from beside you, his proximity somewhat making you feel at ease. After a few minutes you turned to look at him, his hair had flopped over his face and he had drifted off, huddled near you. You smiled to yourself and looked back at the moon, the sound of rain starting to patter against the windows as you slowly drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

The next few days followed similarly to the last. Once it got later into the night and no one was stirring, Bucky would slip quietly into your room and into your bed, falling asleep in a matter of moments. You couldn’t help but admit to yourself that you enjoyed the company, there was something comforting about getting into bed, then hearing the creak of the door open, followed by the weight and warmth him sneaking in with you. By the time the morning had come it would be almost as if he hadn’t been there, creeping back into his own space before anyone was any the wiser.

It had been fairly quiet around the tower, Tony had been making preparations for the party which had come around quickly. Natasha had dragged you and Wanda out around the city to try to find something to wear. You couldn’t help but feel that it had been a ploy to get to know you better, which you didn’t mind, however, shopping wasn’t something that you had a lot of experience with, but you were willing to give it a go nonetheless. The three of you were similar in ways, all deadlier than you looked and all with an undesirable past that you either wanted to forget, or move on and carve a new future for yourselves. Spending the day doing things that otherwise normal people would do this time of year actually felt somewhat freeing, if only for a short amount of time, your thoughts were not on Hydra or the man who had caused you years of torment, but what shape suited the body shape that you had paid next to no attention to.

The lead up was swift and before you all knew it, the day had arrived and you were getting ready for the party. You couldn’t remember the last time that you had spent so much time around a group of people, you hadn’t been in the same room as all of the avengers, granted Thor wouldn’t be making an appearance tonight and the tone of Natasha’s voice suggested that Bruce might not make it either. You got ready, breathing slowly as you stepped completely out of your comfort zone and into something that Wanda had picked for you, a figure hugging pair of black jeans and a white hitched victorian style shirt with black buttons that set down from an open v neckline, gathered material at the wrists so it draped over your hands.

The party had become a bit more than Tony had let on. When you got out of the elevator you heard the rumble of voices, the thud of the background music and in front of you, a room full of people in elegant evening wear. You stood at the top of the steps at the balcony overlooking the room.You looked around, taken aback by the scale of what was supposed to have been a relaxed gathering, a small band set up in the corner playing music with a handful of people dancing in a circle. Large decorations hanging from the ceilings, delicate coloured glass ornaments draped in clusters catching lights and glittering around the room. You glanced around for a familiar face and spotted Natasha helping herself behind the bar and made your way down into the crowd to reach her.

Steve and Bucky stood in the far corner. Steve was talking naively to a group of young women who were swooning over the American Hero, flattering him left right and center which made him blush and insisted the girls were being too nice, that they were the ones who deserved the compliments. Bucky rolled his eyes, his best friend still hadn’t found his footing when talking to women, even after all these years, he chuckled to himself thinking about the old times.

“You know, it’s Christmas, you’re allowed to smile…” came a voice behind him. He turned around to see Natasha standing next to him, holding out a drink. “You look like you could do with this” she smiled. Bucky took it, nodding to her.

“Y’know, he hasn’t changed. I used to try to get him to come out of his shell all those years ago, now look at him. Dames practically throwing themselves at him and he’s too polite to take them up on it.”

“Tell me about it…” she replied, taking a sip of her drink and rolling her eyes. “I’ve tried so hard”.

Bucky laughed, “Same Ol’ Steve”.

“So Barnes,” she began, “What about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Surely after all this time you would want a shot at a bit of normality, you know, settle down a little?”

“I don’t think that kind of thing is for me anymore” he responded, looking down at his glass. “I’m unpredictable, I’m surprised I’m even allowed to be in this room.”

“You’re one of us now Barnes, both you and Y/N”

He looked up at her at the sound of your name. She noticed, smiling, pointing over to the bar. He followed the direction and saw you leaning against the edge of the bar.

“Go and talk to her” Natasha urged, nudging his arm.

“Nat…” he hesitated, he was sure he’d been careful, sneaking over to your room in the early hours, he was sure no one had seen.

“Stop trying to set everyone up Nat” came Steve’s voice, interrupting, after he had finally managed to distract the girls from him.

“Well, they seem to get on, no harm in trying, this time of year it seems customary…”

Steve shook his head at her, “Stop it” he said smiling, “Buck doesn’t need help in getting a date from what I remember” he winked.

At that, Natasha took Steves hand. “You, on the other hand, kiddo, do” she dragged him off towards the band as he turned around looking apologetically at his friend.

As Steve disappeared in the crowd, Bucky suddenly noticed how alone he was, standing by himself in the corner of the room. He moved through the crowd, gently excusing himself as he passed people until he got to the bar.

You smiled as Bucky approached. “I feel a bit overdressed,” you said as he leaned next to you.

“I think you look amazing” he responded with ease before realizing what he had just said and was all of a sudden aware of his surrounds. You smiled at him, noticing his sudden awkwardness.

“Thanks” you looked back out into the crowd. “I’ve never been one for parties” you continued. “Not that I have ever had the chance, but from what I gather from this one, I’m not the party type.”

“I used to be.” he replied, “back when I was, well, before I was…” he stopped, turning back towards her.

“Shall we?”

“Oh god yes.” They glanced around briefly, looking for any familiar faces nearby before slipping out of the room unnoticed. They walked down the hallway to the elevator.

As the door closed, you sighed with relief. “Ugh, finally…” you started to undo the buttons of the shirt rapidly, before tugging it down your arms. Underneath you had a black spaghetti strap top, you couldn’t help it, as much as Natasha and Wanda had protested, you knew you would want to shed the flimsy material and wanted some comfort in knowing you had something practical underneath. Bucky laughed as you tossed the shirt on your shoulder.

Bucky opened the door to the roof. He knew you always came here, he knew that the breeze made you feel more at home, material things and wealth meant little to you, playing up to people wasn’t something that came naturally, you were easily pleased with simple things.

You leaned your back against the edge and slid down the wall, sitting on the floor. Bucky followed.

“So much for a small gathering” you shrugged.

“He doest seem to do small, you’ve seen the size of this building, and the scale he works to”

“Yes, that much is apparent”

“Natasha’s on her mission to find Steve a date still” he laughed.

“You’d think he would have his pick of women, lining up at the door for Captain America”

“You didn’t see him when he wasn’t… you know, so big”

There was a silence for a moment, the distant boom of the music from the party below filling the empty air.

“Hey Doll,” Bucky started, “Thank you,” he said gently, almost reaching for her but stopping himself. “I can’t remember the last time I actually slept properly before I met you”

You smiled at him, catching his gray-blue eyes which glittered in the night lights. His smile became him, you couldn’t help but notice the way which it illuminated his long hidden personality, crackling under his stony exterior.

“Y/N…” he began hesitantly.

“Why do you feel so familiar?” he asked suddenly, the question clearly had been lingering on his mind. “I feel like I know you like I have met you before…”

“I’ve already told you…”

“Perhaps in a past life you said, I remember, but what does that mean? Have we met before? You can’t surely mean a past life? We both know the same man from Hydra Y/N, the man that turned me into… well…”

“Buck… you and I… when I say a past life I mean…”

Her sentence was interrupted as an ear-splitting crash echoed through the quiet night, the shattering of glass followed by the sounds of shouting and rapid gunfire from below.


	14. Chapter 14

You raced towards the commotion, leaping down the stairs unaware of the scenes unfolding below you. As you ran towards the main room, crowds of guests were running in the opposite direction, fleeing for the exits. Some were visibly injured, blood staining their clothing as they were helped along by friends and loved ones. You and Bucky fought through the crowd to the commotion, As you gained nearer you noticed a group of heavily armed men veer off down a hallway which led away from the chaos. Bucky clocked them too as he grabbed your arm.

“Y/N, you get to the main room, see if Steve and the others are there, I will follow these men, see what they’re up to.” he directed, still holding onto you.

“Please be safe” his eyes lingered on yours for a brief moment before they snapped back into their surroundings.

“As always, Barnes” you replied reassuringly as you glanced at him a final time before running back into the crowd. Bucky watched you leave, ushering fleeing guests past him as he head towards the direction in which the armed men had disappeared.

The devastation to the previously sparkling room took your breath away, right where you were standing about a few hours ago, you stood now, looking at the remnants of a once beautiful sight, now a wreckage. A guard clocked your entrance and signalled to another man in your direction, you braced yourself and leapt into the action.

Steve, Natasha, Wanda, Tony and Clint were all engaged in combat with a flurry of what appeared to be Hydra agents. Steve and Natasha working in unison to bat enemies towards each other in a fluid factory line type motion, to keep in control of the situation. Steve threw a punch, Natasha leaping onto a nearby agent and wrapping her legs around his neck before toppling to the ground and kicking another man back into Steves direction. Clint had made his way to a balcony, shooting arrows to try to filter enemies into specific directions, crowd controlling the men and manipulating their trajectory. Wanda clocked you enter the room, a wash of relief on her face.

“About time too,” she said in her accent. “I was beginning to worry” Her red crackling fire swirling and growing into balls of energy in the palms of her hands, launching it into a group of men who were trying to gain an advantage over Tony who at this moment only had a fraction of his Iron suit. You got stuck in, feeling the rage build within you at the interruption, the audacity you thought of these men attacking like this with rooms full of innocent strangers all trying to celebrate the holidays and enjoy themselves. A fight like this was no place for people like them.

“Heads up Y/N” Steve shouted as a group of men ran through the broken doors. Bullet holes peppered the walls, shattered glass littered the floor, a death trap to anyone who may stumble, fall or just happen to get slammed into the ground. You took out the three men that had just entered with ease, your punches landing perfectly, each kick complementing each swing, each swing complementing each jab until they were out cold.

“Where did they come from? What happened?” you ask Steve as you made your way over to him. As the room began to clear, the devastation became apparent. “Wanda” Steve directed, “take Clint and make sure that the people get to safety, Natasha, you, Y/N and I will secure the floor, Tony…” he paused, “do what you do best! see what you can find out”

“Aye, aye Captain” Tony saluted, he had no time to argue, his tower was an absolute mess and his party had been interrupted, so much for a quiet send off he thought to himself.

“I don’t know what happened,” Steve told you, one minute we were all dancing, the next minute men were shooting through the windows, storming the room, throwing people out of the way and opening fire into the crowd. As far as we know, there have been no demands, no reasoning for why they are here, they just started attacking us.” Steve looked around the room.

“Wheres Bucky?” he asked, his eyebrows sloped in concern.

“He followed a group who we spotted going in the opposite direction to here suspiciously, he went to check it out”. Steve’s face dropped, expressionless.

“We’ve got to find him” he exclaimed. “Somehow, I can’t imagine that Hydra do house calls to check on their former captives welfare.”

Your mind suddenly raced back to your first mission with Bucky.

‘You will be seeing me soon’ said the sickening smile. Fear flashed on your face enough for Steve to notice.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Steve asked, watching you. At that point, a loud explosion came booming from the corridor followed by more gunfire. The main lights flickered off and alarms continued to sound, plunging the tower into low light making visibility tricky, but not impossible, it left the ability to hide.

“We’re up! he shouted, let’s go!”

“Steve!” yelled Natasha from the other side of the room, kicking up his shield and spinning it across the room, Steve reached up and grabbed it, nodding in appreciation. “Give ‘em hell” he winked at you as you ran side by side out into the hallway.

The three of you worked together, dispatching waves of enemies in droves, using the funnel-like corridor to drive them down trapped, stepping over unconscious or injured Hydra recruits. A few of the men managed to get a few hits in on you, one managed to clip you above the eye, leaving a gash with a blade, another managing to get a kick into your leg that temporarily dropped your knee to the floor, however, being the quick thinker that you are, you used it to your advantage, swinging out and sweeping him off of his feet.

As you made your way through the last of them, the alarms echoing through the devastated corridor.

“Well now, that was quite the show.” the voice stopped you dead.

“Captain America and Black Widow, it’s nice to finally meet you. He walked out, his hands linked behind his back. “Sorry about the mess, I like to make a bit of an entrance.”

“Did you miss me Y/N?” he said slyly.

You stayed silent under the gaze of your team mates next to you.


	15. Chapter 15

“Excuse me?” Tony said, breaking the silence. “Are you the person I send the bill to for the building?” he walked forwards towards the man. Tony’s sarcasm overshadowing the tense atmosphere in the room.

“I mean, you’ve made a bit of a mess, and you didn’t even bring a bottle. That’s just rude.”

The man laughed, not taking his eyes off of you. “I admire your sense of humor Iron Man,” he said, still watching you. “However, the mess here is the least of your problems” he turned towards Steve. “Captain America… here you are, in the flesh, finally! I’ve heard a lot about you, I wonder…” he paused, “have you heard much about me?” he turned to look at you, flashing the sickly grin.

“Look, I don’t know who you are, but you’ve put a lot of people in danger, and I can’t stand for that.” Steve went to take a step forward but stopped when he saw the presence of four armed gunmen out of the corner of his eye walking out behind him.

“One more step Captain, and you will miss the rest of this wonderful evening, and that, my friend, would be a damn shame.”

“Who are you?” he asked again, wary of the men behind him and his friends.

“I’m surprised you don’t know, considering I am pretty close with your pal Bucky, not to mention this little fire cracker over here.” He gestured towards you.

“I’m surprised they didn’t mention me, or the little reunion that we had recently”

“You’re not worth the mention” you responded.

“On the contrary Y/N, if you had given your new little group of costume-clad friends here the heads up, then maybe all of these people here wouldn’t have got in the way of my repo mission.”

Your eyes grew wide, the sudden realization sinking deep into the pit of your stomach.

“Oh… she gets it now.”

“Y/N, what’s going on” Steve questioned, feeling trapped with no plan of attack.

“Wheres Bucky?” you asked through gritted teeth.

“You see Captain, I am the reason your pal, your Bucky… well, I made him what he is” he grinned, “and this one, well… she’s the one that got away”

Tony, Natasha and Steve watched you, their realization of what was going on suddenly apparent, Steve realized how little attention he had paid to you and Bucky as he stood watching you past begin to unravel in front of him. He couldn’t fail his friend again.

“I said, where’s Bucky?” you repeated, anger flashing through you, dread built rapidly in your stomach but you pushed it down, you wouldn’t let him beat you, not again, not this time.

He ignored your question, smirking.

“Anyway, if you don’t mind, I think its time I take my leave. Fellas, I believe you know what to do”. The guards moved forward, kicking the present team down to their knees, holding their guns to their heads.

“I can see your hatred Y/N… wow, after all this time, that hurts my feelings. Let’s be friends, come on, what will it take?”

“Don’t you dare hurt them” you growled, your fists clenched at your sides.

“Oh come on!” he yelled throwing his arms in the air. “You know me better than that! I don’t want to hurt your ‘friends’… I just came to bring you home, back where you belong, besides, you still have something that I want. I know you do, there’s no point in playing games with me.”

“I don’t know how many times…”

“Stop lying to me!” he yelled, “These people here, have no idea what you are capable of, do they? they have no idea of the devastation that you could cause in a heartbeat… come on Y/N, if you hate me so much, show them what you are…”

You leapt forwards towards him, you couldn’t hold back anymore. You lunged with everything you had, you weren’t going to let him hurt you anymore, hurt your friends, hurt anyone. A gunshot ripped through the air, tearing through your shoulder. It only slowed you a little, knocking you back for a moment before you stepped forward again, another gunshot echoed in the air, you dropped to your knees as you saw him.

The winter soldier paced out from the shadows, his smoking gun aimed at you.


	16. Chapter 16

“No!” Steve yelled as the man behind him yanked him backwards. “What have you done? Bucky!” He struggled to get free. Natasha shouted your name as you fell to the floor, one shot in your shoulder and the other in your side. You looked up, the winter soldiers eyes trained on you as he moved to the man’s side.

“Well, that was fun to watch.” he sneered, “anyway, where were we? Ah yes, a choice. Seeing as your friends here are otherwise engaged and well, their fate is hanging in the balance, the choice is yours. Either you come with me, or there will be more mess to clean up.” He gestured to the guards behind Tony, Natasha and Steve. Their guns aimed, the click of the hammers being pulled back.

“I can’t imagine this is easy for you black widow. I’m very aware that you could easily take out the man behind you, but your hands are tied. If you do, well, let’s see shall we.

“What have you done to him?” You spat, clawing yourself up, lifting your front off the ground with one arm in defiance. “What did you do?”

“Years, years of work, years of training, did you really think that I didn’t have a backup plan, a switch to bring the soldier back to life. He’s always there. He’s deep set, rooted down permanently, he’s more of him than he has ever been James Barnes and you were all too blind to see it.” he paced across the room.

“You over there, Captain America, so righteous, so pure yet so eager to turn against your own morals for a murderer… enough to turn against your own, how very interesting, not to mention, amusing.

“Bucky’s not a murderer” Steve replied, trying to keep himself calm. “What you did to him, that was your fault, you did that.”

You looked down, a pool of blood was forming underneath you, you stared at it for a few moment before looking back up menacingly at the man. You moved, shifting your weight, and unsteadily pushing yourself up, staggering slightly as you raised yourself, standing.

“There she is” the man turned his attention back to you. “There’s that fight, I knew you had it in you. Now, what will you decide?”

“Don’t give him what he wants” Natasha called to you, her eyes scanning your injuries. The man behind her whacked the but of his gun on the back of her head, knocking her out to the floor.

“No! Stop this!” Steve shouted, his voice breaking as he looked at each of his friends.

Tony knelt silently, his mind unable to process the situation, unknowing to him how they had become so powerless to stop each other from getting caught up.

“What do you want?” he sniffed abruptly.

“I have made that very clear Mr Stark. She leaves with me, you can all go back to playing happy families. No more interruptions from me, we can pretend like none of this happened.

“Fine,” you said, grasping your side. “Let’s go.”

“No Y/N” Steve looked at you, pleading with his eyes. You looked at him, leaning you head to one side and smiling, trying to reassure him.

“You let them go, you hurt no one else. That’s it, we walk out of here and that is the end of all of this.” you glared, spitting blood on the ground.

“You have my word.”

You looked at Bucky, his eyes glazed over and empty, a shadow of the glittering reflection they were not so long ago. Your heart ached for him, for the friend that you had made and you knew that going with them was the only way to finish this. The fate that you had run from for so long had caught up with you.

“Lower the guns, you’ve got what you came for” you ordered, uneasy on your feet, you turned to Steve.

“Tell Natasha I’m sorry when she comes around.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to do this” Steve looked helpless and desperate.

“It’s ok Steve, I knew this day was going to come, do what you do best Captain.” you looked at him, a small smile crept on your face, as much as you could muster it, your breathing staggered and short. You kept looking at him hoping he understood as you fell back to your knees. Hands grabbed at your arms, lifting you, the Winter Soldier dragging you with ease behind the man who had orchestrated this all.

Steve and Tony ran to Natasha as get her help as you were carried out of the room, the world spinning, the darkness crawling into the corners of your eyes as you lost consciousness. The nightmare took hold of you, falling endlessly down a rabbit hole of darkness until there was nothing but silence.


	17. Chapter 17

You awoke suspended in a small plain room feeling groggy and sluggish. Your arms we tethered out to your sides, your legs draped on the ground. A singular light above you, shadows overtaking the corners of the room. You looked around, moving your head slowly to try to get your bearings. You had been here before.

A door in front of you opened, light spilling into the room.

“You’re awake,” he said, as two guards followed him in. “I hope you don’t mind, I thought you might appreciate some familiarity. Think of it as a small reminder of what happens when you consistently defy me”.

“Don’t you ever get sick of hearing your own voice?” you breathed intermittently knowing exactly who it was without having to look up.

“Now now, there’s no need to be nasty. Why can’t we just be friends? that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Save it” you hissed, “I don’t have what you want, I’m not playing this game with you.”

He walked up close to you, taking your face roughly in his hand so you were looking directly at him.

“You can keep up this act as long as you want… you’re only making this harder for yourself.”

“Suits me” you spat as he pushed your face aside, storming towards the door.

“You know what to do,” he said to the guard as he stepped through the doorway.

“Welcome back” he growled as the door slammed behind him. The guard cracked his knuckles and walked towards you.

-

“Steve what are we going to do?” Natasha asked, jogging hurriedly to keep up with the larger man’s pace as he walked down the corridor.

“I’m going to go and get them. That’s what I’m going to do”

“Steve… you will get yourself killed, you can’t go alone, especially not without a plan”

“Nat, I can’t sit around here knowing that Bucky is back in the clutches of Hydra, He’s gone through too much to be thrown straight back to where he was… and Y/N, I can’t even begin to imagine what she managed to get away from, I can’t have her walking back into it for the sake of us. Not when we can o something about it.”

“Steve, calm down, we need a plan”

“The plan is to go and get them, Nat. That’s that.”

“Have you thought about what you will do if Bucky is still the Winter Soldier?”

“I will cross that bridge when I get to it. He remembered before, he can remember again.”

“Steve stop!” she grabbed his arm, both stopping abruptly down the corridor at the entrance to the large vehicle garage.

“Let’s think this through. With more of us, we have a bigger chance of doing this right, we need to look over where they’re being held, do you even know that.”

“I wasn’t going to go driving around aimlessly Nat, Tony managed to locate an area, we cross-referenced it with known Hydra locations and Bingo. Now either help me, or get out of my way.” he moved to push past her before she stepped back in front of him.

“What did Tony say to you? Go and get killed? You’re not even thinking straight Steve.”

“Get out of my way or help me. Your choice.”

“Doesn’t sound like much of a choice” she rolled her eyes, “Can we at least get some intel on the place before we go barging in.”

“Fine. Suit up, let’s bring our friends home.”

-

Two men threw you into the room, you stumbled and fell the floor with the force of the push. Yur body battered and bruised. You were pretty sure that one of your legs had a fracture but you wouldn’t show them, you wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing that they were getting to you. You pushed yourself off of the floor, raising yourself onto your feet, staggering backward to the wall to keep yourself upright.

“You know, one little thing can stop all of this Y/N” he whispered, circling the back of the round room toward you.

“Just give me what I want and I will put the world at your feet. Don’t you want that? I thought everybody wanted that.”

“The world isn’t there for the taking, it’s not yours to give and it never will. People won’t stand for that.”

“You’re so logical, however, those people you speak of? Captain America and his band of merry followers? Didn’t seem to do much harm to me. Quite underwhelming actually, dangle his friends in front him and he’s like a lost puppy.” he stopped, turning on the spot, an idea blooming in his mind.

“You and Barnes have grown quite close I noticed. How funny, after all this time. Tell me, how about I throw you in a room with him, you know, for old times sake, I wonder if it will hurt more this time around. Seeing his eyes look at you emptily as he chokes the life from you”

You stayed quiet, your head bowed looking at the floor as you fought to control your temper.

“Yes… I think that will do nicely.”

“You are wasting your time.” you hissed as you pushed off of the wall, staggering towards him. The fracture in your leg making your plight difficult but your determination keeping you up, adrenaline pumping through your veins. Just as you were about to reach him, hands grabbed at your arms, boots kicking your legs out from underneath you.

“Steady now… save your strength, The Winter Soldier has less patience than I…”


	18. Chapter 18

The Winter Soldier stood in the shadows at the back of the room, waiting. A lingering doubt niggled at the back of his mind, a small crack in the steely exterior of the winter soldier but he buried it deep.

“Ready to comply,” said the gravelly voice escaping his mouth.

“The woman I am about to bring in, she has something that I want. A power, an ability. I need you to get her to use it, by any means necessary… do you understand?”

“I understand”

“By any means, Soldier, as long as she is alive by the end of it, the rest is up to you.”

He walked back towards the door and knocked twice. It swung open, two masked guards dragged you into the open space, one man unbound your hands while the other pulled off the blindfold covering your face.

The soldier walked forward, the small and fractious light cast broken rays over his face. You looked up at him uneasy on your feet.

“Bucky” you breathed, the blank expression on his face unfaltering. You searched him, hoping that there was part of him that could fight against the hold this man had over him “Bucky, can you hear me?”

“Save your efforts.” said the man. “Your words are unheard, they fall on absent ears…”

A fear you hadn’t felt before bubbled inside of you, you were back here, this time, it would seem, you had a lot more to lose than before. You clenched your fists, your knuckles burning white.

“Stop this” you spat, rising up straight, glaring across the room.

“This is only going to stop one of two ways. You give me what I want, this all stops and we can move on, or you die and, well, it all stops regardless. So what will it be?”

“Kill me… I dare you”

He laughed, “Soldier, you have your orders.” He walked out of the room, the remaining guards following him, the door banging abruptly behind him out leaving you with the Winter Soldier. You were suddenly aware of how exposed you were in the room.

You held your ground, keeping your eyes on him as he slowly advanced towards you. his eyes piercing, boring straight through you with no emotion. “Bucky,” you said again, hoping that you weren’t going to have to stand against him.

He silently advanced towards you, chills prickling over your skin, more than they ever had before. You braced yourself, his metal arm launching towards you, you barely managed to get out of the way quick enough. He kept coming towards you. “Bucky!” you yelled again.

His footwork was fluid, moving with ease, his swings flowing like water, moving in unison. You fought through the pain in your leg, attempting to avoid his blows. You found it easy to fight alongside Bucky, you both moved together so well, able to coordinate and read each move. The Winter Soldier, however, was not Bucky.

You pushed off of the wall, launching towards him, leaping up, swinging yourself onto his shoulders. He scrambled to shake you off, you held on, keeping your legs around him. He gripped you, reaching up and slammed you into the ground, dropping down, pinning you to the floor. You kept your guard up, blocking what you could, however, some got through, hitting you hard. Your vision swimming. You managed to roll away, able to land punches into his side, stunning him for a moment. “Bucky, please, I cant do this, I can’t keep this up, I need you to snap out of it.” Blood dripped down your face from a cut above your eye, splattering on the floor.

“You have something I need” he said coldly, stopping both of you at a stalemate in the middle of the room. “My orders are to persuade you, no matter the cost”

“Bucky, look at me.” You moved towards him, reaching out to him. “I know you’re in there Bucky, I’m not going to fight you anymore.” His breath heavy and ragged, both of you unfaltering, on one hand, he had a mission and on the other, you were determined to keep him from harm.

“Show me what you can do,” he said sternly, standing tall, scowling at you.

“You know I can’t do that Buck”

“I will kill you,” he said a hint of defiance in his voice, faltering in his advance.

“No you won’t, you never have in the past, you won’t now. Do you know how many times I have wished for death in this place? My pleas have never been answered, here I am, still, staring at you in the face and asking you to make your damned move”

“Don’t be so sure.” He grabbed your arm, slamming you back into the wall, his arms either side of you head, pinning you between him and the surface.

“Do it,” you said, “Stop threatening me and do it”

“Why will you not concede?” the confusion in his voice apparent.

“Why can’t you kill me?”

His face was so close to yours you were almost touching, staring at each other in an attempt to get the other to back down.

“So what now Soldier? You have your orders… I will never hand myself over to Hydra”

He gripped the back of your neck and threw you t the middle of the room. You ran back at him, swinging wildly. He unsheathed a blade at his wrist, slashing towards you, you could hear it slice through the air. He caught your chest, your exhaustion getting the better of you, you hadn’t managed to dodge the strike in time leaving a large gash across your collarbone.You winced at the pain, trying to stay focused. He lunged forwards again, throwing the knife from one hand to the other in an attempt to disorientate you. You focused, watching his movements, pushing his attempts away until you caught him, hitting him square in the face with one blow, the other hand gripping the arm holding the blade, stopping him. Amazement flashed on his face. His eyes searching yours and his eyebrows furrowed. You stared at him.

“Something familiar Barnes?”

He shook the moment away. “Show me what I need to know”

“I’m showing you all you need” You dropped to your knees in front of him. Your eyes searching his, your face littered with cuts, the rest of your body bleeding, battered and bruised from days of fighting and defenseless attacks.

He looked at you, staggering backward a little, a hint of recognition in his eyes before the steely exterior returned.

“What are you doing?” he exclaimed, confused.

“Bucky look at me,” you pleaded, he watched as you reached out, “Look at me”.

He thrust his hand out, grabbing you around your neck, gripping tightly and lifting you off the ground. You struggled against him, trying to keep hold of his gaze, staring at him, trying to gasp for breath, His eyes desperately seeking what he was looking for in yours.

You began to run out of breath, the world spinning as his held you tightly, your eyes starting to roll backward as you fought it.

He dropped you suddenly, tears in his eyes, staggering backward in horror, recognition rushing through him. You coughed on the ground, exhausted and struggling to move. He stood staring at his hands and looking back at you in shock.

“Remember me now?” you sputtered.

“Y/N…” he whispered your name under his breath, his eyes wide in terror as a flurry of visions of you flashed in front of him, old and new.


	19. Chapter 19

As he moved to reach out to you, the door swung open abruptly, Guards spilling into the room. Two men stormed over to you, one smacking you hard across the face knocking you back down as another two tried to tackle Bucky who was screaming your name, thrashing as more guards came in to subdue him.

He fought against the men to try to reach you. The horrors of your past filling his vision. The sudden recognition and realization of all of those times you had been in a room with his previously at Hydra, all those times he had held your life within an inch in his hands. The flickers of familiarity in the tower and the mercy you had shown him all of this time knowing who he had been.

You were dragged out of the room, the sound of your name echoing through the corridors behind you, his voice tearing you apart from the inside. You felt a sense of calmness at the thought you had freed him, a small comfort knowing that Bucky had broken through, stronger than he ever thought he would be, however, now he knew that all of his dreams had been real, you didn’t want the weight of that burden to crush him you thought as you were roughly tethered back into place. Another blow came, throwing you jerkily to the side, followed by another and another until you were in a heap on the floor, partially conscious and snickering with what little breath you had left.

It took eight men to keep hold of him as he thrashed, screaming your name. He had despatched another six as they had tried in his disorientated vigor. They struggled as they dragged him into the large laboratory room and pinning him into the chair that took everything from him. They strapped his arms down as he fought them.

“Get him in there immediately!” boomed the man’s voice. The anger spitting from him like venom. “Well, well, well, look who’s woken up…” he began. “If you had just used this anger towards her and done your job, then we wouldn’t be in this mess” he paced around the room behind him and the men struggled to tie the remainder of the restraints.

“What have you done to her?!” Bucky growled, relaxing his body to question the villain pacing around him.

“Don’t you think the better question is what have YOU done to her” the smile returning briefly. “It appears you have gained back some of that pesky memory of yours, no matter, it’s actually worked out quite well. You see, I wondered how it was that you both were working together after all of those years of you torturing her… how you had managed to atone for your sins… but alas, you were none the wiser.”

“I am going to extinguish every breath and shred of life in your body” Bucky Hissed through his teeth.

“You see James, I’m going to leave you here, to think about everything you’ve ever done to your little friend in there, I’m going to make you relive every moment over and over. But first, let me jog your memory a little bit more.” He moved to Bucky’s side, pushing a needle into his arm and injecting a blue substance. Bucky hissed at the pain and the unknown severity of the situation he was in but he wasn’t on the forefront of his mind, you were.

Images of you soothing him in the middle of the night through the dreams, the warmth of your body next to his as he sought your company for comfort, mixed themselves with flashes of your bloodied face, the smile you gave him disappearing as your eyes rolled back as his hands were round your neck. The torment sent him into convulsions as his memories flooded back to him in tsunamis, his mental walls crashing down. Tears escaped the edges of his eyes as the extent of the pain he had caused you was being shown to him like a film in the cinema.

“This has actually turned out quite nicely, ”he said, his words falling on deaf ears. “This little friendship of yours might actually work in my favour” he grinned, watching Bucky shuddering in the lab chair, sweat pouring from him as rage and guilt simultaneously crashed against him.

“I was about to think that you were useless to me, for a moment I thought that my plan had backfired but no… she will give me what I want.” he clasped his hands together, as he stared at the convulsing man being tortured by his own mind.

“Bring her to me” he ordered to the nearby guards, who even in their obedience watched with terror at the man in the chair thankful that they were able to leave even for just a moment.

Bucky’s eyes were open wide, the whites of his eyes turning bloodshot as he writhed in agony as every moment, every lost minute of every lost day exploded in him at once. He turned his head, his tortured eyes trained on the man standing on the other side of the room, trying to focus on one point, one individual point that he was sure of. He would make him suffer.


	20. Chapter 20

“We should have thought this through,” Natasha said, staying behind Steve. “We have no idea what’s inside Steve, there could be hundreds of men, waiting for us to walk in”. He ignored her concerns, he knew what was inside, is friends were in there, going through god knows what, he couldn’t lose him again, not Bucky.

“Could we at least stake it out, see what kind of control the guards are moving in, timings, you know, damn it, Steve, you could have asked Tony.”

Sam put his hand on her shoulder. “Let’s just do what we can ok? No amount of words are going to change his mind.” she knew he was right.

“There’s two up top in that tower” he pointed subtly, two more by the main door, one by that large vehicle to the right and another over there talking into a radio on the left.” he handed Natasha the binoculars.

“How do you wanna play this?” she asked, “If they know were here, who knows that that maniac will do to them.”

“We will get as far as we can, as quietly as we can, Nat, if you can sneak your way to a control room, try to figure out where they are both being kept, Sam and I will clear a path, I need you to direct us.”

“Roger that” she winked, creeping off into the trees. “Let’s bring them back Sam…”

-

You were carried into the room unconscious by two of the previous men. They heaved you into a chair, fastening leather straps around your arms and legs. Bucky’s head was thrown back, his eyes raw and his voice hoarse from screaming, his breath panting frozen to the chair as he processed the return of his memory.

You started to open your eyes, the lights making it hard to adjust, exhaustion had overcome you your body stiff and sore. You saw him on the other side of the room, silent and still, you knew better than to call out to Bucky, you knew somewhere in the room he would be watching, waiting for your reaction.

“Ah, welcome back to us, that was quite a show you two put on there.” he walked over to you, standing at the side of the chair you were fastened to. Your eyes stayed on Bucky opposite you, he looked paralyzed, you watched him, willing him in your mind to move, to show some kind of life.

“Don’t worry about him” he continued, “He will come round, the return of a lost life can take it out of you”.

You turned to him sharply, trying to understand what it was he was saying. “What are you talking about?”

“His memory” he responded, rummaging around in a nearby tray, picking out a syringe and laying it on a moving equipment trolley. “He was beginning to remember so, I helped him remember a little bit more, everything to be exact.”

“Everything?” you questioned, looking back at Bucky, your face softening as you watched him, from what you could see, he was drenched in sweat, his chest was bare, exposing the join of metal to flesh around his shoulder and collarbone.

“Oh Y/N, he remembers everything. Poor soul, the shock when he realized what he had done over the years… well, look at him. I’d be surprised if he’s not traumatized for the rest of his life, it’s funny, taking away his soul seems humane now, doesn’t it?” he pushed the trolley over to him, standing next to him.

“Now, here is your final chance, give me what I want, or your precious little Soldier here will be screaming again.”

“I told you, I have nothing to give you, you’re mistaken, stop this now!”

“You never learn Y/N” he injected a liquid into him. For a moment all was quiet until he sat bolt upright, straining against his bonds. He saw you, stopping immediately, his face just staring at you, a thousand emotions flashed on his face simultaneously.

You both gazed at each other, there were a hundred things you wanted to say, to ask, but now wasn’t the time you thought, now was not the time to lay your soul bare with this monster, the man behind it all lingering over your waking moments.

“Y/N” Bucky choked, unable to move his arms. “I… I… I’m so… I” Bucky’s words shuddered in his mouth as tears threatened, forming in the corners of his eyes, all those nightmares he had had in the past, the time he had run to your room in terror he had hurt you, it had all been true, all been real, and you had known, you had known and you still showed him kindness, saved his life, you were the light in the darkness.

“That’s quite enough… now, seeing as I now have no use for the lackluster soldier here, I may as well kill him, wouldn’t you say?”

“No” you growled. “I’m not doing this, I’m not playing this game. You’ve done enough”

“I’ve not even started yet. All the pain and suffering you think you have felt it nothing.” he lunged towards you with a fierce anger, his hatred spitting out like poison.

“You have played me for too long, Give me what I want now. Otherwise, I will start slicing you into ribbons in front of your precious soldier.” Your face didn’t move from looking at Bucky, looking straight past the man and into his eyes. You tried with all your might to tell him everything was going to be ok, that you forgave him. As the first slice of the knife dragged down your skin you gritted your teeth trapping in the screams.

The man wiped off his blade on a piece of material from the tray and turned back to face you. “Just how far are you willing to go to keep your secret Y/N?”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, it's taken me a little bit to post this, I hope its ok, I think this story is almost at its peak now, with not too many chapters left to come. I have a few ideas rattling around, Im not done with this one just yet, I just hope you like it...

Natasha slipped quickly and quietly through the corridors, managing to avoid as many guards as possible, knocking others unconscious and out the way where need be. As she rounded a corner she noticed two guards standing watch of a door. ‘Bingo’ she thought as she leaned back, pressing against the wall. She held herself, biding her time until they moved off on patrol. As they disappeared she moved gently into the control room. A man stood at the console, unaware of the danger that lurked at his back.

-

Alarms bellowed through the large laboratory room, the man turning around sharply, glaring at his guards standing at the edges of the room. “What are you waiting for?” he yelled, “Go and find out what’s going on”

You looked at Bucky grinning, before turning back to the man who was glaring hungrily at her. This was your chance you thought.

“Shut the doors down tight, these two arent going anywhere”

“You can’t keep us forever…” you sneered, “are you sure you want to be locked in here with us? It’s only a matter of time…”

He leaned in close, expressing dominance, the anger burning in his eyes.

“You think you can get away from me again?” he threatened, “You’re mine Y/N, you belong to me, you will do what I want, when I want and how” he hissed, “You don’t scare me” the sickly smile crept across his face.

His nose was almost touching yours, you reeled at his words for a moment before you smirked and jerked your head forward, headbutting him harshly and knocking him to the floor.

“You should be…”

He leaped to his feet, pulling his fist back into the air above you, your laughter getting deep under his skin.

The door burst open, crashing against the wall behind it, a guard slumped in down the door frame, the noise of the commotion in the hallway echoing in. The man’s fist dropped back down to his side as he stared at the limp body that had just interrupted him.

“Whats going on!” he questioned.

“Sir, it’s in your best interests to get out of here while you can, it’s them, they’re here” another guard panted, stumbling into the room.

“Get everyone in here, defend the room, keep them out of here, at all costs.”

“Running away?” you accused, watching him as he collected up all the syringes full of liquid from the trays, stuffing them into a case, ignoring your comment.

“Bring her” he snapped, walking towards a set of stairs.

As two guards approached you, you took the advantage and leaped from the chair, the element of surprise giving you the upper hand. You had managed to the restraints loose, keeping it to yourself, even to Bucky’s surprise. You butted one man square before sweeping around and taking the legs out of the other desperately searching the room for the man. Halfway up the stairs, his eyes were wide, staring wildly at you.

Your eyes previously dark flashed gold, his face dropping suddenly, scurrying up the rest of the stairs. You watched him flee, your attention moving to the sudden entrance of more guards. Your eyes go back to darkness as you ran towards Bucky who was straining wildly at his restraints, trying to break free.

“Buck I’m here, Il get you out, hold still.”

“Y/N…”

“Not now Buck, It’s ok, let’s get out of here, sounds like the cavalry has arrived.”

“Y/N wait…” He grabbed your arm with his metal hand, pulling you back, his piercing blue eyes piercing yours.

“Did you know?”

“Buck… now is not the time for this, can we get out of here?”

He released you suddenly, his arm dropping back to his side, that had been all he needed to hear, he had his answer. He balled his fists, growling at the men that were surrounding them.

“Let’s give them hell,” he said, without looking at you.

“Now you’re talking” you smiled.

As more men spilled into the room, both you and Bucky sprang into action, moving around each other fluidly, predicting each other’s moves, moving in unison. The attackers not having a chance to get the drop on you before between you, you took them out, one after the other. Bucky attacked fiercely, you were at the forefront of his mind, his thoughts racing, all of his concentration making sure nobody was able to hurt you, not the way that he had, he wouldn’t stand for it, he had put you through enough for a lifetime. He knew you could handle yourself, he had known you for a while, even though some of those memories had only just come back, he knew you could take a lot of force, you had fought back with him for years, even now looking at you, it was apparent that you had held back with him before. He couldn’t understand it, he knew you had a lot to talk about, and he would sit down with you when you got out of there. Once everything went quiet, you both kept you guards up until a familiar face appeared in the doorway.

Steve panted, his stance readied for what was waiting for him. His face softened when he saw the two of you.

“Oh thank god,” he said as Natasha appeared from behind him peering around the super soldier.

“Looks like we weren’t needed” she grinned as they came into the room toward you followed by Sam who looked as if was ready to punch either of the four of you.

“You guys could have given us a hand,” he said, leaning against a cabinet, catching his breath, holding one hand out to them. “Hold on, hold on, let me catch my breath.”

Steve laughed, clapping him on the back.

“We were a little tied up” You replied, a smile sitting momentarily on his face before it disappeared again, his eyes looking up at the balcony the man had fled to.

“He got away,” Bucky said, the disappointment in his voice washed over the five of them as they stood in the moments quiet.

“Let’s get out of here, I’m sure it’s not the last time we will see him, let’s regroup and get back, we can figure out where to go from there.”

The door slammed violently shut, all five of them turned to the source of the loud crash. A light flickered on above them, from a window far above them in the wall.

“It’s nice of you to join us, how unexpected and unwelcome. I can’t stand interruptions, however, now that you are here… We may as well make the most of it…”

The five of you stood back to back, keeping yourselves covered in a circle from all angles.

“You can’t hide forever” Bucky responded, “Stop being a coward and face us”

“We shall see, try not to make too much of a mess”.

Three doors opened, guards spilling inside, some with shields and large weapons as they stood in a defensive formation ready to attack.

“Now fellas, I don’t want to hurt you” Steve began interrupted by the yell of who they gathered was a guard before they leaped behind cover as the gunfire began.

“Well that saved you a speech cap” Sam laughed as they prepared to fight their way to freedom.


	22. Chapter 22

“Now what?” Bucky asked, ready to pounce.

“We fight” Steve replied, standing his ground, tensing his jaw. “Don’t kill them, Buck, you know the drill, we are the good guys”

Bucky couldn’t meet your eyes. He didn’t feel like a good guy, he felt far from it.

You were looking up at the window, trying to figure out how to get to the son of a bitch, as much as you had tried hard, being a hero was the last thing on your mind.

“What about him?” you gestured, watching the man looking down at you as if you were putting on a show for his viewing pleasure, his pawns he could freely move as he wished. It made your blood boil. You had lost so much of your life by this man’s hand, and Bucky… you glanced at him, you could see the conflict battling inside of him. You wished you could take it all back, take away his pain, but deep down you knew you were the root of it. When this was over, you knew that you would have to walk away, for his sake.

“Right, on three” Steve started, gesturing to the others.

“One…”

Your eyes darted around the room, calculating each move in advance as much as you could.

“Two…”

You could feel each of your friends beside you bracing themselves, holding rigidly as they prepared to move on the attack.

“THREE!” at Steves count, you all jumped into action, Natasha sending three men toppling like dominos immediately, jumping up onto another with her signature move, squeezing her thighs around the man’s neck, hanging onto his shoulders, swinging herself around, clipping others and startling them allowing Steve to catch them. Sam threw redwing into the air and controlled him, getting a bird’s eye view of the fight to gain an advantage while simultaneously, keeping them distracted while you and Bucky ran into the crowd back to back. Arms swinging strategically, your punches flying, using each other as springboards disorientating the soldiers.

As more men flooded into the room, it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep an eye on each other as you became surrounded. Bucky grabbed your arm, pulling you towards him.

“Stay with me” he whispered, launching his metal arm at a soldier with a fierce brutality. For a moment you saw the flicker of his rage, the deep set anger for what had been done to him spilling over the edge, adrenaline coursing through his veins as he took on multiple men with devastating effect.

Steve and Sam managed to keep control of their group, a pile of unconscious bodies at their feet, their chests heaving from the continuous expulsion of energy and fight. As it began to look like they were through the worst of the battle, you noticed the light had gone out in the window above, you scanned the remaining guards in the room, searching for HIM. Your friends were making light work of the remnants and checking each other over for injury. Scrapes, cuts and bruises littered all of them but even so, they couldn’t help but smile as they revelled in their victory.

“Let’s get out of here,” Steve said, as he turned towards the door. Bucky glanced at you as you extended your hand out to him, he looked, hesitating.

“Y/N…” he stuttered, meeting your eyes.

“It’s time to go home Buck” you tried to look hopeful, hiding the dread that had nestled itself deep in the pit of your stomach.

Steve put his arm around Bucky, thankful that he had him back. Distracting him.

“C’mon Pal, let’s get you back, Tony has been in contact with some great Doctors who think they may have a way of getting rid of the Winter Soldier for good.”

You shrugged, half-smiling at him as Steve dragged him away as you followed them out of the door.

The corridors were eerily silent as you made your way through them, Natasha seemed to share the suspicion as you moved through the oddly empty base. It bothered you that you hadn’t been able to keep the man in your grip, you hadn’t had the chance to get your hands on him, to make sure that you and Bucky were safe. The thoughts plagued you as you meandered through the corridors.  

“Almost there, let’s go” Steve yelled, breaking into a run. Bucky, Sam and Natasha followed behind as the remnants of the entrance cast light beams towards them.

“It’s clear” Steve yelled after he had carefully glanced the area, Bucky stepped outside, the rain falling over his skin, the cool water refreshing against his raging heat cooling him. A rush of life raced back into him as he turned backwards to look at you.

The newly gained colour drained instantly from his face. The man stood behind you, a knife to your throat, surrounded by guards who had been laying in wait.

“I told you, you are mine.” the man sneered as the group stopped dead in their tracks.

“You can all leave with your lives…” he started, “But this one…” You felt the nip of the blade against your neck, drops of blood dripped down from the cut. “This one stays with me”


	23. Chapter 23

“Let her go” Bucky screamed, as he tried to run towards you, only to be stopped by Steve.

“What do you want” he interrupted, his hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“I want her, you can keep your broken soldier. I only care for this one, so leave, before I change my mind.”

“You know we can’t do that” he shook his head, patting his friend reassuringly.

“I will kill her if you come any closer” he threatened.

“Go” you managed to choke, “Get him out of here, get all of you out of here, you don’t owe me anything” you gasped as you felt the blade threatening your skin.

“I would listen to her if I were you…”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that, she’s with us,” Steve moved forwards, Bucky launching forwards.

Through grimaced teeth, the man removed the blade from your neck, keeping hold of you harshly.

“Kill them” he barked. Dragging you backward, a large barricade of soldiers closing the distance between you and your friends.

Bucky heaved forwards focusing on the small view of you that he could see between the onslaught of attacks. His blood boiling within him. The team were fighting hard against the advance, Steve wouldn’t leave without you, even through your protests, you were one of them, and secondly, he owed you one.

Noticing how his henchmen were falling like flies, he grumbled under his breath. You stayed tight within his grasp wishing they had taken your advice and left. You had a horrible feeling as to what would come next, backed into a corner. You contemplated ways you could get away, your eyes catching Bucky as he smashed his way through, he’d had enough, every man that came towards him fueled his rage like feeding a ravenous beast. Frustration and anger spilling over him as flashes of his past played over in his mind. He had to get to you, he had to take you away. He had so many questions, so many answers had gotten away from him for so long, he needed to get to you, so many unspoken apologies and years to make up for, he wasn’t going to let go of you that easily. As he got closer to you, something wasn’t right, something in the man’s eyes hurtled a warning to him but he was too hellbent on his attack to pay attention but when it came, it hit him in a blow like no other.

“Stay back!” the man yelled, “Don’t come any closer.”

Bucky ignored him, stampeding faster, revenge and hatred written all over his face.

The man hesitated before smirking again, his hand tightening around the handle of the blade in his grip. As the rest of the group began to make their way towards you, he plunged the knife into your lower back. The shock took over as you looked down, his hand on your shoulder and the other attached to the knife which had just been plunged into you without hesitation.

“She’s mine” he hissed at Bucky who had stopped dead in his tracks.

“If I can’t have her, then neither can you.” 

Your hands moved down your abdomen, the blood oozing from the protruding knife, the blade long enough to penetrating all the way through.

“No” Bucky breathed as he saw you fumbling your hands as you dropped to your knees, the man at your back. The blood curdling cackle coming from the man was enough to make you sick, he was enjoying every moment of torment that he gave.

Steve, Natasha, and Sam were still dealing with soldiers, they had only had a glimpse of what had just happened and a lump had formed in Steve’s throat as he dropped his dependable stoicism and dealt some serious damage.

Bucky ran towards the man, his heart breaking as he ran past you, you willed him to keep going, to do what you hadn’t had the chance, to make up for the lost years, to end both of your suffering and end the man, no longer interested in the length of his torture, ‘just end it’ you thought. You reached within you for strength, your eyes fluttering back as you glanced at your bloodied hands. You could feel the power within you surging, you used every bit of yourself to fight within you to keep it down, you’ve come this far, you couldnt give up now.

You looked around you through half-closed eyes, looking up at your friends as they battled against the flurry of men. You dropped to the ground, the world turning on its side. You reached out toward Bucky, he was pummeling into the last soldier before he got to his goal. The man turned around and pulled a gun from underneath his white coat and aimed it at him and squeezing the trigger before he had time to register what was happening.  He shot Bucky in the knee causing him to drop down in front of the smiling man. 

You reached out, with the last amount of your strength you let the energy flow through you rapidly, washing over you intensely and let the power flow out towards Bucky and the man. You couldnt let Bucky die, you had fought for so long, it couldnt end in vain, even your last breath on this earth you would do everything you could to save him. Now was the time to stop holding back, to finally let yourself free and you did so. A twisting cascade of golden light spilling out of you like spilled ink, swirling in different directions. Flurries of light darted towards your friends, knocking soldiers to the ground instantly, the man’s face twisting in terror as he screamed when the light touched his skin. Bucky turned towards you, his eyes wide as he saw your head drop back to the floor and your eyes close, the tendrils of light retracting back into your hands leaving glowing cracks in your skin as you fell still and silent.


	24. Chapter 24

You stirred, groaning as the world was swimming inside your mind. You didn’t know where you were, what had happened, if you were even still alive, the first thing that you saw however made you wonder if you had just strolled through the gates of hell.

-

_You had kept your power hidden for years since the day you realized that they could be used for devastation in the wrong hands. Unfortunately, you were the wrong hands you thought to yourself as you stood in the middle of the town square in a location that was lost to you. You were standing surrounded by multiple bodies of townsfolk that you had killed with your own hands. You stared in horror at the lifeless faces of families you had destroyed, flames licking at nearby buildings as they succumbed to the ravenous hunger of the fires. You looked down at your hands, golden cracks in your skin, swirling tendrils of light twisting around you at your back, you could feel their anger. You were only young, your life ahead of you, but in that moment it fell apart before your eyes and that’s when you had started running. You kept running, hiding, trying to outrun the day, outrun anyone who wanted to use you for the utter destruction you held in your hands, vowing to never use your power again. Until one day you didn’t run quite fast enough._

_The door burst open abruptly shattering into pieces, splinters flying across the room. You made towards the window instantly, darting from the bare-boned chair. As you went to reach for the handle, the glass smashed as the butt of a gun came towards you. You turned around trying to make a break for it, dodging the swing of one soldier as he tried to catch you and knock you off your feet. You threw yourself over the back of the sofa frame sitting on the other side of the room, crouching down giving yourself a brief moment to try to come up with any kind of plan._

_“There’s no escape” came a voice from the entrance of the small apartment you had been hiding yourself in. “All of the exits are covered, there’s no use in trying to fight us, we are here to help you,” he said as you leaned back against the metal frame contemplating his words._

_“I saw what happened that day, I want to help you, come out and talk to me, I just want to talk, I’ve been looking for you”_

_He sounded so sincere, his voice soft and gentle, a contrast to the dozens of men that had entered the room aggressively with him._

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about” you replied, closing your eyes. You didn’t want to admit to what you had done, you told yourself that you weren’t ever going to use your powers again, therefore you were going to deny any mention that they could ever exist, regardless of the fact that you had no idea who this man was, where he came from or what he wanted from you._

_“You don’t have to hide from me, I’ve been searching for you, I want to offer you a safe place, a place you can treat as your home, where you won’t ever have to worry, you won’t have to run anymore”_

_Deep down in your heart you wanted that more than anything. The powers you held had been something of a wonder to you in the beginning, but as the grew, they had become a burden, they scared you senseless at times especially the day that the accident happened… you were beyond scared that day too._

_You took a deep breath, trying to settle the building surge of crackling energy inside you, you were going to stand your ground._

_“I said I don’t know what you’re talking about, you have the wrong person, please leave now,” you said defiantly, the sound of a pair of boots were getting closer to you. Across from where you hid was a small archway that led to the kitchen, a medium sized window sat above the worktop which you were eyeing up for size. A small piece of brickwork sat next to you in a pile of rubble from the broken wall, you reached out and picked it up, looking at your next destination._

_“I understand you’re scared, you have no reason to trust me, but I am here to help. It would be best that you come with me now, if I can find you, then that means that someone else can too, they are probably on their way here now and believe me, you would rather not be here when they are.”_

_You sprung from your hiding place, sprinting through the archway, launching the brick at the window shattering it immediately. Before you could make it onto the counter, someone grabbed you back, someone strong and inhumanly fast._

_“Let me go!” you yelled and you struggled in their grasp. Abruptly they spun you around, pushing you back against the worktop and trapping you in. He stood in front of you, his mouth covered with a dark mask, goggles blocking the rest of his face. Dark brown hair draped down to his shoulders tendrils, a gun pointed at your stomach, freezing you to the spot. With his free hand, he removed his glasses to reveal piercing blue eyes staring back at you. That was the first time you met the eyes of the Winter Soldier._


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one and the previous are a little short, but I wanted to make sure I was posting something :)

_“If you listen to what I have to say, I will command him to let you go, but I need you to hear me out quickly” the man began as he stood in the archway._

_“Can you do that?” he asked, watching as you struggled against the grip of the man holding you._

_“I want you to let me go, now. I have nothing for you, I don’t know what you’re talking about, get away from me” you spat, glaring at the blue eyes._

_“On the contrary, I think what you have is a gift, a gift that you could do so much with. You could achieve a great many things and I want to help you.” he brushed errant hair away from your face. You flinched, snapping your head to the side to distance yourself from his touch._

_“I said, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“And I said I’m trying to help you,” he said angrily before gaining his composure, realizing he needed to gain your trust and snapping at you would only turn you away even more._

_“Look, in any moment, this building is going to be swarming with the enemy who want to hurt you, I am offering you a way out and a safe place before they get here. I will explain everything once we get back to a safe place. Please” he imploored “I need you to trust me” you glared at him, conflict raging in your mind, if this man was right, it would be another problem you would have to deal with, if he was bluffing, then you could be walking into something much worse._

_“Why would I trust you when you’re holding me against my will. Like I said, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t have a gift, you have the wrong person. You need to let me go.” you demanded._

_The man sighed frustratedly. “I understand, I just needed you to listen before you ran, please forgive me?” he gestured to the man holding you “Let her go soldier”._

_His grip loosened, leaving you to stand freely, however you were still blocked in by the men._

_“Come with me, let me help you, you dont have to be scared” he held a hand out to you. You stood staring at his outstretched hand blankly, questioning yourself. What if he is telling the truth? you asked yourself. You didnt want to run anymore but there was something that was bothering you, something about this man didnt sit right with you._

_“Excuse me please” you asked politely yet bluntly. “I would like to leave.” His brow furrowed and he reluctantly moved out of the way to let you pass._

_“You are making a big mistake” he said as you walked past him towards the door, ignoring him. The soldiers in the room poised, their guns held up high to you as they froze awaiting orders._

_“You will regret it, I can assure you” he said again, his voiced laced with a malice which stopped you as you reached the shattered doorway._

_“Are you threatening me?” you asked, turning around to see a sickly grin on his face._

_“Of course not, im giving you one last chance to not make the worst decision you could ever make, for the sake of your future, dont take this lightly” he said smiling. You felt immediately unsettled, dread filling your stomach at his words._

_“Good luck finding the girl youre looking for” you said, swallowing down your fear and turning back to walk through the door. As soon as you reached the next floor down, you broke into a run, clearing as many steps as you possibly could and burst through the door into the darkness of the night._

_-  
_

Bucky ran strait over to you, ignoring the unconcious man on the floor who had tormented him for a lifetime. Natasha and Steve made their way over to him, putting heavy duty hand cuff on his wrists while they could.

“Iv’e made the call to Tony, theyre on their way to come and pick these guys up” he informed the small group.

“Good job, Im going to keep an eye on this one” he said motioning to the now cuffed man.

Bucky was at your side, pushing loose hair out of your face as he looked over you. Your eyes were closed, your body in a heap on the floor, limp and bereft of movement. His expression frantic as called your name, hoping to rouse you. He checked your pulse, it was there he breathed out in relief, it was faint but it was there. “Y/N” he said again, almost at a whisper, “Y/N come back to me, come on, wake up, open your eyes” he hoped that you would, we watched you with baited breath, you still didn’t move.

“How far away are they? Somethings not right, shes not waking up, why is she not waking up?” he yelled in a panic.

“They won’t be long, Sams just spoken to Tony, as soon as they’re here to take away this lot then we can get her in the Quinjet, it would appear that the best help we could ask for has just got into town.” Natasha cooed at the thought of him before looking back at you, concerned at your motionless body as Bucky lifted you gently to cradle you into him.


	26. Chapter 26

“Get her in the jet, quickly!” Tony yelled as came out of the back of the aircraft moving swiftly towards the small group.

“Load those men into the hold” he ordered a couple of armed Shield guards who had come with him.

“Where is he?” he shouted to Steve, looking around his enemy, “Son of a bitch owes me a whole new floor”.

Bucky hurriedly carried you into the jet where Dr. Bruce Banner was waiting for you.

“In here, quickly, let me take a look at her.” Bruce beckoned. Bucky reluctantly let you out of his arms and placed you gently onto the table in front of the Doctor, immediately feeling the emptiness after letting you go.

“Is there anything you can do? Is she going to be ok?” Bucky asked, barely giving the Doctor time to even glance at you.

“Give me a moment, James is it?” he asked, running a scanner over you to access the damage, trying to distract the man he had never met before. 

“Yes… sorry, James Barnes, everyone calls me Bucky” he responded.

“Nice to meet you Bucky, I’m Bruce Banner”

“You’re the Angry green dude?” Bucky asked, raising his eyebrows nervously as he watched you.

“Yes, i’m the angry green dude, that’s me, so I wouldnt reccomend calling me that again.”

“Oh, sorry, I….” he stuttered as he saw Bruce quickly scramble over to get another tool to access you.

“Is everything ok?” Bucky asked frantically.

“There’s something going on with her eyes,” Bruce said hurriedly, lifting your eyelids and shining a light to check the dilation in your pupils only to find your irises sparkling gold, around a sea of pitch black.

“I’ve never seen anything like it, I heard she has abilities? What can she do?”

“I don’t know, I’ve not seen it until now, it was golden light, that’s all I saw, I had no idea… I” a sudden realization washed over him as he ran his hands through his hair. All this time, he thought, all this time you had the powers which you consistently denied, you had the power to wipe out everyone who hurt you, including him, but you never had, you kept it to yourself, constantly denying the truth. Why hadn’t you killed him long ago he thought, his eyes wide, staring at you laying on the table top.

Steve carried the offending man into a specially designed cell on the jet, locking up the door and sealing it tight, giving a guard the order to keep a close eye on him and make sure when he woke up that he didn’t try anything untoward. Steve noticed his friend looking frantic, something clearly worrying him, it was written all over his face.

“How is she?” Steve asked as he moved behind Bucky.

“She’s alive Steve, barely” he said as he watched the Doctor.

“She’s a strong one, I know she will pull through, I’ve got to thank her,” he said,  “she saved our asses… again” he smiled.

“Yes she did” he replied, a small smirk creeping in the corners of his mouth.

“Thanks for this Bruce, I know you werent expecting to be thrown into the mix the minute you got back, I know you have other things on your mind” he said, looking over in Natasha’s direction.

“It’s good to be needed, its good that its me thats needed, if you know what I mean.”

Steve smiled at the Doctor, it was true, usually they were asking him to go green for the sake of humanity.

“We need to talk,” Steve said softly, resting his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“I know,” Bucky said regretfully as Bruce attached different tubes to you, injecting some different liquids and hooking up to a few machines to monitor you.

“Ready to go” Tony called to the two super soldiers. “I need you to go to the other jet,” he said, motioning out of the hold.

“I can’t leave her” Bucky protested, reaching out to you.

“She’s going to be fine, she’s with Bruce, But I need you both to go with Natasha, we need to get you checked over also, she’s going to take you to see Dr. Cho, you’ve been through a lot, we need to check your status before you can head back to the tower, don’t worry, she’s in good hands.”

Bucky didn’t like it, he wanted to stay with you, he needed to be there when you woke up to explain everything to you, to apologize for everything he put you through and to thank you. If it wasn’t for you, he wouldn’t still be alive. He hadn’t known it until his memory had come back to him in full force but you had saved him, in more ways than one and he could finally thank you. Steve put his arm around him.

“C’mon Pal, let’s give the Doctor some space to work his magic. I’m sure she will be up and about in no time.

As they reluctantly left the jet, the door closed, Bucky’s eyes in your direction until his view of you was blocked. They both jogged over to their charge, Natasha firing up the engines.

“Ready to go boys? strap yourselves in!”


	27. Chapter 27

_You had spent months moving from place to place, looking over your shoulder. The threat of the group that had ambushed you back in the city had rattled you, you wanted to get as far away from that experience as possible. You found yourself in a small back building from a cluster in an abandoned industrial area. You had been there for a few weeks, keeping your eye out for any signs that you had been noticed.  
_

_You had gone on a supply run, a small local bakery owned by a friendly older woman supplied you with all that you needed. She always smiled at you when you came in, she would to anyone who walked through her doors, always happy for the custom. It warmed your heart to see the delight she would get fro talking to her customers. You always smiled back politely, ordering the same thing every time. You made an effort to not draw attention to yourself wherever you went, trying not to speak to anyone unless you had to. As you got back to your small hideout, you sat down on an old blanket which you had draped over a dusty, worn long sofa chair which you imagined had been an original part of a staff room. An old broken, empty vending machine sat in another corner, its glass long since smashed. It was getting late, you made the usual checks that would satisfy your concern, checking the perimeter before you allowed yourself to settle down for the night._

_You rest your head down on your jumper, pulling the old blanket over you, slowly closing your eyes in an attempt to catch up on the sleep you had been lacking so greatly on._

_A crash roused you immediately, you scurried to your feet throwing your back against the wall keeping silent. You could see no movement in the room. You edged slowly towards a broken window on the other side, keeping your eyes on the door. As you reached it, you noticed a flicker of light in the room at the front of the building, perhaps a shiny surface catching an errant ray from the small bulb above the outside door, nevertheless you hopped through the empty window frame out into in night. You were careful to keep to the shadows, not wanting to allow yourself to be seen, you weren’t sure what had made the crash or what the moving flicker of light was that you had seen but you weren’t willing to stick around to find out. You were almost to the fence when you stopped at the edge of the building, listening carefully for any noises before you made a run for it, wanting to be sure that the coast was clear before you were bathed in open moonlight like a spotlight for all to see. You ran your hand over the old brickwork, feeling its roughness under your fingers. Upon hearing no sound, you sprung from your cover, bounding towards the perimeter fence. You had left anything behind, the advantage of not keeping things meant it was easy for you to move around without the burden of lifting and carrying, without the added fear of leaving precious items behind, You had let go of material things years ago, adapting with ease into a simple life, without much choice. Needs must._

_A gunshot ripped through the quiet night, the bullet whooshing past your head, the breeze of the projectile brushing your skin leaving the small hairs standing on end. You spun around to see where it had come from. He had found you. The winter soldier stood firm with his gun aimed in your direction, even from where you stood you could see the remnants of the smoke released from the barrel. You ran, leaping up onto the chain link fence and hoisting yourself over it, falling heavily to the other side. He had fired a warning shot at you, letting you know he was there and he had seen you, he had you in his sights and the chase was on._

_He was fast, moving with complete ease through the darkness as if the lack of sight wasn’t a hindrance to him. He moved through the terrain as if he were on a conveyor belt, every time you looked around to see how far you had gained, he was right behind you, his presence ever looming over you. Panic was sitting heavily in your heart as you tried endlessly to dodge the soldier whose gaze was locked onto you without any sign of shaking. You ran into a nearby tree line, hoping that a maze of woodland might give you the cover you needed to get an edge, after all, you were being pursued by one man, and surely you could outrun one man you thought to yourself in an attempt to convince yourself that you could get out of this situation alive. You ducked and covered behind various trees, finding small holes in the trunk to duck inside, but each time he knew what direction you had headed, it was almost as if he could predict your every move._

_You came to a clearing in the trees, stopping dead, reluctant to expose yourself even thought you knew it was only a matter of time before he found you anyway. You notice near you a small pathway through a nearby thick lining of bushes, a small opening sat before you, right when you needed it most. As the cracking of twigs underfoot drew closer to you, you hurried into it, hoping with everything that you had that you had managed to slip by him unnoticed. You sat dead still, reluctant to even breathe in fear that even that would be loud enough for him to hear. You closed your eyes, squeezing them shut tight as you waited for the minutes that felt like hours to pass by, glued to one spot, hiding low in the woodland foliage. As you were beginning to feel as if you had finally managed to shake him, still not wanting to move, arms reached around you and wrapped around your neck lifting you immediately to your feet, squeezing on your throat as he lifted you into the air, your legs kicking out violently attempting to cause him to lose his grip, but he had you locked down tight. You could feel the sturdiness in his body behind you, his hardened rigidity as your thrashing had no effect of him. Slowly, your energy began to fade, your legs giving up their fight as your hands lost their grip, falling to your sides limply as you gazed into the encroaching darkness._


	28. Chapter 28

“Tell me about her,” Steve said as he watched his friend looking sullen and agitated, they had been silent through take off, Bucky’s hands rubbing his face before he settled into them.

“I don’t know where to start” he replied, his voice strained.

“What do you remember?” Steve kept his voice calm, he knew he had to tread carefully with his topic but he knew he needed to ask, he was abruptly aware that he didn’t know as much about you as he’d thought. As more information became uncovered about the life you had both led over the years, the more the story thickened, the more Steve realized he didn’t know his friend half as much as he thought he had either. Times had certainly changed.

“Everything,” he said in a low murmur, his face now resting in his hands as he slowly shook his head.

“Everything?” Steve asked as he swallowed deeply, raising his eyebrows at the thought.

“Then start from the beginning Buck, tell me what happened to you.” he leant forwards, his friend just out of reach. “I thought I had lost you forever”

“You don’t want to know Steve, up until now I’ve had pieces to fit together, like a puzzle… but now, now it’s like someone has picked up that box and dumped the lot on the table and I don’t even know where to begin. Steve, what if the man you knew hasn’t come back at all? What if he has been lost forever? I need to make sure she’s ok, I can’t…” his voice wavering in frantic concern.

“Bucky it’s ok, she’s going to be ok”

“You don’t know that Steve.”

“Something tells me that deep down, you do” Steve responded calmly, a friendly smile on his face as Bucky looked up.

“You know, I’ve done some bad things,” he said, “Anyone merciful would have killed her a long time ago.” He exclaimed as Steve sat quietly, listening.

“Every week, he would bring her to me… every week, all to try to get her to use her abilities, but she was so stubborn, she wouldn’t have any of it, denying it everytime, I even began to believe her. I don’t think anyone by the end could understand why he continued to keep pushing, and every week…” he paused, dropping his head down to look at the floor. “Every week I would have to hurt her, with no choice or even remorse it would seem. Steve…” he looked straight into Captain America’s sparkling blues. “Do you know how many times I’ve looked into her eyes and not seen a spec of hatred towards me? Do you know how many times I’ve looked into her eyes and not known what I had done to her? What was she thinking? She didn’t say a word, not once.” His voice was frantic, a mixture of anger and sadness as moments played over in his mind. “She seemed familiar to me, that’s all I had to go on, a spec of recognition, a small taste of familiarity of a lifetime or torment and she knew… she had so many opportunities to tell me, or to kill me and she didn’t… all she has ever does is save me. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve a guardian angel like her.”

“She must see what I see” Steve reassured, “She must see you for who you really are, you’re not a killer Buck, you’re just a kid from Brooklyn who would never give up, even in the face of all thing horrific. You’re the closest thing I have to family and I’m not going to let you go through this on your own. You couldn’t help what happened Buck, it wasn’t you, everyone knows that.”

“But I did it.”

Steve looked down at the floor unknowing what to say, regardless of the fact that Bucky’s hands had caused chaos, Bucky’s mind needed to be set free from the endless torment he gave himself, he needed to know he had the chance to redeem himself, to make everyone see him for who he truly is and not the Hydra Hit Man that he had been made to be.

“Tony hates me because I killed his parents Steve, whether it was me or not, he looks at the face that killed his parents. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same.”

Steve didn’t say anything, he couldn’t disagree but he wanted to help and he desperately wanted to see Bucky’s smile again, he had tortured himself over and over and he wanted him to be able to let that go.

“When you think about it, from the day she was brought into the base, she was saving my life and I didn’t know it.”

Steve swallowed, silence falling between them. There were a hundred questions he wanted to ask, about you, about Bucky’s former life, about how it all happened.

“Buck…” he paused, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Bucky looked up, he gazed at Steve, he couldn’t believe that this was the same man from all those years ago, the small scrawny kid who would never run away from a fight, no matter how hard he would lose. He was so different now, they were both very different now.

“I’ve killed a lot of people, Steve. I would be frozen and thawed repeatedly, any glimmer of recognition and I was reprogrammed over and over, tormented, tortured, made to do things that you couldn’t even comprehend.” Bucky looked over towards Natasha who kept her eyes on the skies as she piloted them back home.

“I don’t deserve to be here, I deserve to be on the table where she is, fighting for my life the way I made her fight for hers so many times.”

“Buck…” Steve started but stopped as Bucky got up from his seat and walked to the front, sitting down next to Natasha.

“It’s not always going to feel like that,” Natasha said, keeping her eyes out front.

“One day in the future, you’re going to realize you can make a difference, realize that you aren’t the man they made you, but the man you were always meant to be, Steve’s right. If you really were the Winter Soldier through and through then would you be sitting here with the weight of the world and remorse for your actions?.”

Bucky slumped back in the chair, pondering Natasha’s words, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling of the jet.

“I hope you’re right”

“I’m always right


	29. Chapter 29

_As your eyes slowly cracked open, you saw that you were in a small room. The light low enough that your eyes could just about manage to cope with the change. You felt around you, the cold hard floor solid beneath your sweeping fingers. You shuffled backwards, using your hands to fumble around to get your bearings. Behind you, you felt the cold damp surface of the wall, you leant back, pushing against it to get leverage to pull yourself to your feet. Your body felt limp and weak, you ached as you moved. With no recollection of how you had gotten to where you were and the sense of panic you felt in the pit of your stomach was making it difficult for you to calm yourself enough to try to gauge the rest of your surrounding captivity. The echoing darkness around you began to envelop you as it dawned that you were trapped. Your running had come to and end and your future looked a lot less likely than it had the day previously.  
_

_It was cold in the room, your breath leaving your lips in clouds. You noticed your clothes had been taken, leaving you in a loose fitting scruffy shirt and matching trousers almost like a doctor’s uniform. You had no visible injuries apart from the bruising of a heavy hand of whoever had taken you into your confines. A throbbing pain resounded in your head as you pressed yourself back against the wall, closing your eyes again as you took a deep breath to calm your nerves._

_A light appeared in the doorway, from what you could make out, a small opening in the door gave way to a pair of eyes peering through at you. You scrambled to your feet._

_“Hey” you called as the little hatch shut._

_“Get me out of here” you yelled again, a feeling that the person the eyes belonged to was still by the door._

_“Can you hear me? Get me out of here!” your voice building into a crecendo until you ran out of breath and began to cough.  
_

_Silence followed, you could only hear the sound of your own heartbeat drumming in your chest as a second wave of adrenaline began to course its way through your veins._

_You ran toward the door, barging heavily with your shoulder. It was solid, but you manically tried again, screaming at the top of your raspy voice in an attempt to get the eyes to return._

_The door opened suddenly, knocking you back off of your feet and to the ground with a large thud. Two large burly looking men in masks thundered into your cell, grabbing you by each arm and lifting you off the ground with such an ease it was almost as if your weight was as light as a feather. You struggled against them, thrashing your arms and legs, kicking, screaming and attempting to put up as much fight as possible to give them as much trouble as you could._

_They carried you through a small corridor before bursting through a large double door, struggling to manage your fighting. You had entered what looked like a laboratory._

_…_

_The Winter Soldier sat restrained to the large metal chair, metal fixtures fittings and arms coming from the frame with tools and equipment attached. A man in a lab coat scurried behind him, messing with dials and buttons on the machines behind him. Across the room the doors burst open, two men were dragging someone into the room. He trained his eyes, narrowing for a better view. It was you. The girl he had been told to capture, his mission. He could see you were putting up quite a fight, he couldn’t help but admire your survival instincts as you thrashed against the men that detained you. He watched as they crossed the room, even though they were wearing masks, he could sense their annoyance and lack of patience with you. They stopped, one man momentarily loosening his grip and pulling back his fist before colliding it harshly with you, knocking you stunned, your head snapping to the side. They continued their heading, blood oozing from your nose as your daze started to fade, the interaction only reigniting the fighting flame inside you as you spat blood and growled at them. He watched as you disappeared from view, your voice echoing through the corridors._

_He tried to focus, tyring to remember anything about himself. He focused on the sound of your voice trying desperately to memorise the sound.  
_

_“Now then Soldier” came the voice from behind him. “This might hurt,” said the scientist, as he pressed a button on the console. A metal plate moved down above his head, splitting into two either side of him, unfolding to cover on side of his face. He sat unmoving paying no attention to the machinery firing up beside him, focusing on the voice he could hear echoing through the hallways, your voice. Intense pained flooded his mind, his own screams filling the space drowning the far away sound of yours as the Winter Soldier was forced into submission._

**Author's Note:**

> Please bare with me, I am new to writing fanfiction and actually posting it! I hope its ok!


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